Blue Kipper Poll

re-worst player. Who the bloody hell picked Judas as a worst player? Granted he is loyalty challenged etc. But he was still a good player, but ultimately a twat. For those of you who didn't have the honour of seeing Bernie Wright play (I use that word lightly). He couldn't hit micky Lyons arse with a 6ft Banjo. Cheers, Michael and Rachael Berry. (14/02/02)

The Captain replies: In answer to the first part of your dickhead question. I picked the players for the poll. What's it got to do with you, anyway? If you look at the past Blue Kipper Polls, you can see we ask a question, & always put a dodgy answer in amongst them. According to the results, today. Judas, as you call him is way ahead with 1334 votes. That is 71% of the vote. So obviously most Evertonians don't agree with you. Oh and Michael, next time you e-mail me, sign it yerself. Don't be putting yer tarts name on it. Yer big nance.

This is Kevin McLeod Everton, or more likely Bill Kenwright, is proud of the new big Fuck Off Scoreboards, TV screens, whatever you want to call them, found in two corners at Goodison Park. Quite right too. I think they are 'top banana', as you kids say today. A new innovation being used at the Mickey Mouse Cup match on Wednesday was when the announcer went through the team. Let me rephrase that! When the man announced the Everton Team, the screens showed a photo of that player. Fantastic. A real nice touch. I thought, a Bill Kenwright / Paul Gregg production. Very Professional. The timing had to be spot on. It was. Well done the operator. But then he announced- "KEVIN McLEOD". No photo. Instead the screen was filled with big white letters saying 'Kevin McLeod'. Typical I thought. How to ruin a good idea. Get the fella, who makes all the cock-ups on the official website & put him in charge. I'm sure it's not hard to get a photographer to go to Bellefield, & take one of young Kev. I believe he is there most days. Failing that you have my permission to copy this photo of him. If you do something do it right or don't do it at all. Got a gripe. E-mail Captain Haddock

There once was a cockney footballer, who signed for Everton in a bizarre deal. He took time to settle. Understandable coming up to the rough north from the smoke. Gradually, he started to play a couple of games. He actually played well in one of them. Then he got injured, but hey, this is Everton, & you are nothing if you haven't been injured. Credit to him. He came back & played a few games on the bounce. He got the man of the match in one game. Then he scored an absolute beauty in the FA Cup at Watford. Everything was looking rosy. Rumors were circulating that he was buying an apartment 'down the Dock'. Then the agent appears. It gets a bit grey now. Harry Hammer says he'll take the poor lad off Blue Bill's hands to save the wage bill for fuck all. No says Bill. I want some sausage & mash for him, so I can repay the fairy Godmother, David Dean. 'There are still some Gentlemen left in this game,' says Bill. So the deal fell through.
But WHERE IS STEPHEN HUGHES? He is the only midfield player fit. Yet he is nowhere to be seen. Walter plays Jeffers,even though he hasn't signed the new contract, but Hughes disappears!!! No mention of him on the official website. Where do you think he has gone? E-MAIL BLUE KIPPER (29/04/01)

Your e-mails on Stephen Hughes, below

If S. Hughes is on his way to the hammers, good riddance !!! His heart did'nt follow him north of Watford Gap fer christs sake!!! Another
thing...why is his mug on the banner of the official efc site??????? There are plenty of legends that SHOULD be there instead of this whining cockney twat!!. Platty. (08/05/01)

STEVEN HUGHES CAME INTO MY PUB I ASKED HIM ABOUT EVERTON AND HE TOLD ME HE HAD HAD A FIGHT WITH WALTER AND HE HAD BEEN DROPPED FOR IT HE ALSO SAID HE WANTS TO GO BACK TO LONDON.
CAMPTYN. (08/05/01)

I am mates with Gary the Baker a good evertonian, his brother Ian played with Stephen Hughes for England Youth and has renewed his friendship with him on merseyside. Stephen has two major obstecles at Everton:

1. the contract he was taken on - its a strange one and in fact he was advised not to sign it prior to coming to Everton. It is a type of loan/perm agreement with incremental payments to Arsenal. With Stephen being out of form Michael Dunford not Walter Smith pulled the plug on Stephen playing anymore first team games for Everton, otherwise we would be paying Arsenal an incredible £50,000 more for retention of his services. To make it worse he is not allowed to train with the first team, otherwise Arsenal will be making a complaint to the Premier league re: Everton's broken agreeement with them.

2. Stephen Hughes game at Arsenal was based on short swift passing, Archie Knox and Stephen have fallen out over his type of game and apparently all Know wants him to do is clear and wellie the ball. professional man. (08/05/01)

I do a milk round by steven hughes' house and recently he has sold his blue jag, registration SH8 EFC. He is on his way out. Michael and Joseph Campbell. (30/04/01)

The paper the other day seemed to think he has been ordered to train with the kids and will not play for Everton again for leaking details of his contract to West Ham. John. (30/04/01)

According to the injury section of the official site " Stephen sustained a serious groin problem whilst playing for the reserves and is unlikely to play again this season" this would appear to be genuine as he lasted only 35 minutes of his "comeback match" last week!
Bigol. (30/04/01)

Saw him limp off (What else for an Everton player) at a recent reserve game against the Mancs - left early as we were 3-0 down and it was very, very cold and a really crap game - the illusive Mr Hughes limped through the car park at the Autoquest Stadium - he cares as much about the Blues as that lanky streak of **** Nyarko. Paul Gerrard. (30/04/01)

I'm the absolutly hughest Stephen Hughes fan and I had been wondering where the hell he is. I have e-mailed Everton Fc many times and recieved no reply. I love Everton with all my heart, and have had a season ticket for two years, but they're communication skills with the fans are really bad. also I'd just like to say thanks for visiting the "county" pub the other day, and I can't wait to see my face on the best everton website there is. Thanks again. Joanne Kelly. (30/04/01)

Isn't playing as he has signed a pre-contract agreement with West Ham for next season (as Lampard's replacement, who's off to Leeds) and WS refuses to pay the £50K to Arsenal each time he plays for EFC in order to play a player who isn't 100% committed to EFC at this important end of season run in. Makes sense to me !! Daniel Fletcher. (30/04/01)

Captain Haddock answers the question. Apparently, his Mum's third cousin on her Dad's side met a lorry driver who was abandoned by his parents at birth and was fostered by an African couple who were originally illegal immigrants but fraudulently got the papers swapped at a joint wedding in a registry office in Lambeth. They moved to Mansfield to avoid the social services and immigration boards. Anyway he grew up and went on the road and met this tart in a transport cafe on the Lancs. You know the one just past lower lane. Now she was Jevons distant aunt from MERSEYSIDE, 'cause every fucker knows that's where he's from anyway. It was lust at first sight. They had it off in the back of his artic. It stunk 'cos he was carrying fish, but she was relieved at the time and then he whisked her off to Mansfield and the rest is 'istory. An' if yer know yer 'istory..............

Blue Kipper has had a go & taken the piss out of every player who has played for Everton. We have had a go at one player more than others, & rightly so we think. Michael Ball is mates with Richard Dunne. They used to have a laugh together. Once they had a right old giggle on the back of a coach. The Honey Monster is now heading for the second division. It could quite easily have been Bally. But thankfully he's seen sense, knuckled down, won an England cap, become a regular with the Toffees, & best of all today told us he just wants to play for Everton. It's a pity the other prick, who is not an England International, & has only played half the number of games Bally has, doesn't see the same sense.

Bally said "It's always been my dream to play for Everton. If it had been any other club I would have left by now, but I've got over my problems and I just want to stay here and get on with it. Obviously the financial situation is up to the board. It's out of the gaffer's hands. The board needs money and a lot of the players will wait until the summer to find out the situation, but I wouldn't want to go unless they want me to. You want to win trophies and hopefully we can do that here if the squad stays free of injuries and we make some good signings in the summer. Since I've got over my sticky period I've been very happy. I feel wanted and I have the respect of the players."

Footnote: We were lucky enough to speak to Bally at the Hall of Fame Gala Dinner, and he said he wasn't happy with the Ashley from Coronation Street Look-A-Like. Well keep looking Michael, we've got a beautie coming soon. (12/04/01)

April Fool

Most of you sussed us out over the 'Smith Resigns' spoof article yesterday. We had over 40 e-mails telling us it was an April Fool. We also had 5 who were gullible enough to believe it, and wanted us to start a campaign to stop the redshite getting the job.

We even had half a dozen people on the Toffeeweb forum talking about it. At least it got them talkin about Everton instead of who's going to win the Grand National. It was funny to see Stapo & son had copy & pasted the whole posting and put it on their board and then did it again, but this time they changed it to read that they had the exclusive instead of Blue Kipper. Laugh, We nearly renewed our season tickets. (02/04/01)

Fans get hot under the collar over Unsey posting

Below is the article, which has got a few fans with their knickers in a twist.

There is absolutely no truth at all in the story that Everton will sell David Unsworth to Newcastle. What a pity. Lets look at the facts. Twice this season he has been brought off by Smith, because he has been in the middle of a mere. The same happened last season. It hasn't happened to any other player. He is way down the pecking order for a game. Gough, Watson, Weir, Ball, & Naysmith are all in front of him, & with Xavier fit soon, and the emergence of Peter Clarke, Blue Kipper says cash in now. £2m for him. Snap the dithering auld Geordie's hands off before he wakes up. We are also reportedly in some kind of debt. Sell him now. (13/02/01)

Dear Mr Blue Kipper,

You are a disgrace!! Why do you constantly have to slag off David Unsworth. You say you have supported The Blues for over 20 years, so why are you making snidey negative comments about a player who would, as the old saying goes, die for Everton. I'm sure David knows himself that he has not been at his best recently, but I'm sure you will agree that he hasn't had much help from Stephen Hughes. Please note how Naysmith's form was suspect when having to play behind this Nancy Boy (oops I sound like you). Are you one of those Knobheads who has cheered when Pembridge was taken off after a poor game? Do you constantly howl with derision after another tactically inept substitution by Walter? Did you barrack Ratcliffe and Reid when they failed to reach their previous standards? The answer I think is YES. Although I question and criticise, I try to do it in the correct manner and without having to lower my standards to that of our friends from the Shithouse.
Please be positive in the future.
Ta ta. John Clintworth, (23/02/01)
PS. I still have not forgiven you for not taking my picture in The Blackhorse even though I was the best looking by far. Please excuse my grammar and punctuation, I'm in work.

Captain Haddock replies: I am happy to reply to this e-mail, as we all Know there is no Mr. Blue Kipper. He does not exist, John. BIue Kipper is in fact the name of the Website. What a start! Firstly, I think you have a problem with your reading skills. I wouldn't say I have 'supported The Blues for over 20 years,' because I have supported them for over 40 years. I presume, which is a dangerous thing to do with you, that you got this information from the Home page It actually says "Blue Kipper is written by a gang of Evertonians,
who have known each other for over 20 years. " This means what it says. We also stand by what we say in the posting about Unsworth. If you look on other pages on Blue Kipper, he is not the only one who gets it from us. Anyone gets it. This is the way we do things on Blue Kipper, as opposed to other sites, who write like 'nancy boys' whilst sitting on the fence. We will never have to take splinters out of our arses. As Joe Royle once said to me when he was our manager: ' football is all about opinions, and I get paid for mine'.

One thing about us is that we are fair. We let the fans have their say. In your case you talk bollocks. You yourself chastise yourself for having a go at Hughes. Don't do it. If you are gunner have a go, have a go, don't fanny about. I won't deduce from this, that you 'howl with derision' (this must hurt). I just think OK this fella doesn't like Hughesy.

As for mentioning him in the same breath as 'The Rat' & Reidy, you've got to be joking. Unsworth is and always will be a wholehearted player, who as you say, would die for Everton, but he's not good enough. As fans, we deserve better. He is out of the side, because there are three full backs who play better than him in his position at centre half. Nuff said.

As for 'snidy negative comments'( whatever that means), I have corrected your grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Get back to school. As for taking a photo of you. Maybe we could do a Look-A-Like. Your face & Unsey's arse. Call Y'self an Evertonian? (23/02/01)

Below are more e-mails, regarding David Unsworth

I agree that Unsworth must leave Everton as he playing, quite simply, crap. He hasn't performed at all this season and even though I think its unfair to boo him while he is playing, he should have got the hint by now. Chris Matthews (23/02/01)
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I agree cash in. The only reservation is that Rhino is a nice fella and this would break his heart, but sentiment gets you nowhere, and lets face it he can't be short of a few bob himself. I can't understand how a player who emerged as such a bright prospect can turn out to be so consistently mediocre, confidence perhaps? Having said that he always gives everything and for his effort alone I will always admire him, respect him and think fondly of this true blue (even if he did start off as a ManU fan). The abuse he got at the Ipswich and Tranmere games was unforegiveable OK so he made very costly mistakes, but he would never do so on purpose. I remember this happening at a game late in Joe Royle's tenure as manager when the ball bounced over him as he tried to head it (Cna't remember the opponents, but he giot slaughtered by the crowd and when JR put him back in the team he said in the Echo how grateful he was for the boss's faith. Another good thing about Unsy is that he clobbered Robbie Fowler in the derby that time. I am sad that he hasn't turned out to fulfil his early promise (remember his 94/95 form and how he made Mark Hughes look light weight in the Cup Final) but I can't help liking him for his commitment. If he goes we would not miss him now, but I would have to wish him well and thank him for his efforts. Maybe with a more forgiving crowd he would have done better. Froddie (23/02/01)
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WHY SELL HIM, GIVE HIM AWAY HOPEFULLY THAT WAY HE WILL BE OUT OF GOODISON A LOT QUICKER. WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHO RECOMMENDED HIM TO WALTER.
Bradley (23/02/01)
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Should we sell Unsey? We couldn't give him away, if Walter gets money for him it will be the sale of the Century. Maybe we could for the double and throw in Joe Max Moore. Blue Billy (23/02/01)
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Got me computer yesterday, and after a quick look at sluttyhousewives.com, I decided to have a look at the Everton sites. After reading the latest news bit, I have to agree about getting shut of Unsworth. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves the club, I talked to him in a local boozer once while he was with West Ham, and he said he would love to come back and how much he missed it, but if everyone who loved the club could have a go at playing we would be well fucked. I am well pissed off with him picking the ball up in our half, and giving right back to the opposition, not to mention his shit control and clumsiness. So sorry Dave, nice fella an' all ,but if you really love the blues, get the £2m or whatever, go to Newcastle or whoever, and start giving the ball back to a blueshirt. Goodison Papa (23/02/01)

You see this is my trouble - I can't help responding no matter how much I realise that I'm being wound up. So you think its just a man's game do you Captain Haddock. So my £360.00 per year is not as good as yours (if you pay that much). So you think my lack of possession of a willy and twice as many brain cells as most men forbids me from enjoying watching Everton do you? Well Captain Haddock, prepare to be demoted to a deckhand cos we know that we have got you men on the run now. In fact your paragraph on "its a mans game" shows just how far you are running scared as you realise that us women are muscling in on your last domain. - the match! I'm as good a supporter as any of you men. If I think I'm hard enough? Don't make me laugh. Val(13/09/00)

Captain Haddock replies :First of all I hope you have thanked Garry for sending the message for you. Typing it up is one thing , but being able to send it on your own is obviously beyond your capabilities. As for you being able to enjoy the game as much as us men, well I don't doubt that, but I'm sure its for different reasons. If you actually read the article properly, you would realise that "it's a mans game" refers to a game played by men. It has no place for tarts or poncy bastards called Nicky, Robbie, Jamie and the like, and certainly has no place for soppy twats taking their babies with them to collect the cup.

If you've saved up £360.00 from your housekeeping,(money your fella, no doubt, has earned through hard work,) for your season ticket. I wonder what you have been feeding your fella on. He must be as thin as a rake. The best thing to do, is give the season ticket to one of his mates, and spend the housekeeping money on what its supposed to be spent on, a big slap up meal for him. And don't forget to have the Everton kit on, ready for him when he gets 'ome. I bet your feet are only size three, so you can get closer to the sink. (13/09/00)

Re: Student Toffees Captain Haddock Replies: Typical fuckin students. Haven't you got anything better to do, like go to lectures. The question should have said 'except substitutes'.

It's a man's game, they say. So why did that cockney wanker, Denis Wise take his sprog up to get the F.A. Cup? The tart. Couldn't he get a baby sitter? You would think with all that money he's earning he could afford one. Did we see Waggy take his kids up the Wembley steps, when the last team from Merseyside won a major trophy? Did we fuck! He had his misses minding them. That's a man. He just lead his team up and raised the cup to the fans. Some of the players today are so hen pecked. Look at Beckham he's always waving to that stick insect in the stands. .What's going on? Women shouldn't be at the match. They should go and watch netball  or better still stay at home and get the tea ready. A man needs a good meal when he decides to come home after a few sherbets at the post match discussions. It's a man's game!Captain Haddock. (July 2000)

Click here to e-mail Captain Haddock If you think your hard enough.