Sat. 5th Jan 2002

FA Cup 3rd Round. Kick off: 3.00pm

Everton : Simonsen, Xavier, Weir, Stubbs, Unsworth, Blomqvist, Gemmill, Gascoigne, Naysmith, Ferguson, Moore,

Bench: Gerrard, Hibbert, Tal, Chadwick, Cleland.

Subs:

All the new years talk has been focused on off the pitch activities and there are still a number of unanswered questions. How long has Walter got? Who would replace him? Who would want to replace him? Could anyone do any better? How much money is going to be made available? Does Abel get cheap undies from the market for Christmas?

So it is good to get back to the action on the pitch and the relative safety us Blues call the FA Cup 3rd Round. Starting with a reasonably balanced 4-4-2 we still took some time to get settled. As expected, in front of a capacity crowd, Stoke started enthusiastically and had the majority of the of early possession. Forcing a cople of corners in the first 15 minutes.

The Blues started to have more of the ball but there were still too many wasted passes. Then on 25 minutes after good work from Naysmith, Dunc controlled on his chest in side the area only to see his deflected volley hit the foot of the post. The subsequent corner was wasted along with the opportunity to build up some pressure.

Everton's right hand side looked like providing the best opportunities, just as it did in '84, but Jesper missed chances to feed Xavier after a couple of good runs. However it was Blomvquist who worked the only other opening of the half when he guided his shot inches past the post after a neat interchange with Moore.

Gemmil was booked for a good tackle after 35 mins and Stoke had their first shot minutes before the half from Goodfellow who's pace was the main threat during the first half.

Half time Stoke City 0 Everton 0

We continued with the upper hand, with Jesper Blomqvist showing world class passing & control. He was backed up with good prformances from Gary Naysmith & Gazza. Just as we were showing signs of scoring, Abel dropped a clanger, & it needed Simmo to pull off a save to keep us in the game.

Everton went ahead when Alan Stubbs scored from a free kick - an absolute screamer - from just outside the box. Big Dunc, who was playing his best game since he was back in the side, was brought down after a nifty dribble. Unsey stood by the ball, to words of encouragement from the fans. There must have been 20 'arl fellas shouts in a minute. The one that sticks in my mind was "Don't let that fat arse lemon take it" Have you ever seen a lemon with a fat arse? Anyway, Stubbsey mate, what a strike! This was followed by different groups of fans, singing different songs. I heard "Alan Stubbs is an Evertonian,....he scores a goal Alan, Alan Stubbs,.." Then everyone settled for "EVERTON, EVERTON..." I've gone on a bit about this goal, but I don't care there is nothing better than scoring a goal in the 3rd round of the FA Cup.

We could have scored a few more, but we started believing our own good publicity, especially Gazza. It's a shame, as he had a good game, but as the game got into the 60th minute onwards, he was trying to be too cocky. One such time, was when Jesper again, put a lovely ball to Dunc, who laid it off to Gazza. He attacked their defence with a 30 yard run, & with their back 4 backing off, he tried to beat a defender, & was tackled, with Joe Max unmarked waiting for the ball.

Stoke came back at us, but Stubbsey & Davie Weir stood firm. Simmo, was also playing with confidence, coming to collect crosses, under pressure. Even when Stoke had a few big subs on. We still looked saff at the back.

It would have been a better scorline if we would have had a second goal. We had plenty of chances. First Gazza played some lovely one, twos, finishing with a shot parried out to Blomqvist, who also had his shot saved. Joe-Max hit a volley just over the bar. Davey Weir headed over from a corner. Finally Jesper Blomqvist could have sealed it at the death. But we are in the hat for the draw, & that's all that matters in the FA Cup.

The players faces were a picture at the end of the match. There was lots of handshakes, & a great atmosphere. Is this the turning point? Only time will tell. The Blue Kipper Starman is Jesper Blomqvist, who is an outstanding player. You can thank Walter Smith for bringing him here.
Come on you Blues!

Final Score Stoke City 0, Everton 1.

Quotes

Walter says: “I always knew that the first team to score would take a real advantage, but that was the circumstances of the game. We’ve gone a goal down in recent matches and ended up chasing the game but the opposite happened today. It was always going to be difficult here today but we had tremendous support from our fans, they were right behind team. It’s been a difficult week and it was good to hear the fans this afternoon.

On Blue Kipper Star Man, Jesper Blomqvist Walter says: “It’s a testimony to himself, to be out as long as he has and be pushed back in his level of fitness has been terrific.There’s more to come as regards his sharpness and there’s more to come from him.”

Lard: Is that Susie Blue Thighs over there?

Sausage: No, she's got her kecks on.

Stoke: Leicester with soot
by
Mickey Blue Eyes.

I've been waiting to use that line since John first sprung it on me at Leicester. A bit hard on the modern Potteries but there are still some remains of Arnold Bennett country to give it some resonance, though not in suburbia around the new stadium.

Early in the week Smiffy said he wouldn't walk away from the job. This will surprise nobody who has paid even cursory attention to his personality traits. Actually, I have a good deal of sympathy for his position and much admiration for how he has dealt with it. But there are times when the situation makes it impossible to continue, rightly or wrongly. If the playing situation doesn't right itself soon then he should surely give serious consideration to his own reputation if nothing else. He could resign now and do so with honour intact. Johnson lied to him to get him here in the first place, then sold a leading player literally behind his back, then instructed him to sell the players he bought. And then the subsequent owners have been unable to grow enough money trees to provide him with enough dosh to buy better players. You can't fight with one hand tied behind your back.

In fact the playing failure signs have been there all season, even given our fragile, tiny improvement. We had four defeats in a row fairly early on and then more or less stumbled through with a lot of attendant bad luck until we hit the present run. Which emphatically is not bad luck. Therefore the failures are structural, not superficial. Players and management have to be accountable for their role and their role only. Nobody is free from criticism.

Sure, Smiffy has short comings. So does every other living soul, you and me included, and including his good friend, Alex Ferguson. However the fact remains that the association simply hasn't worked. But anybody, fans or otherwise, using Smiffy as a scapegoat is just plain wrong, just as it is idiocy to urge the club to go deeper in debt simply to assuage current hysteria over our recent meteoric fall from midtable. More money cannot guarantee playing success. Ask Middlesborough, Blackburn and Wolves for just three. There are others. What if we borrowed madly and then STILL got relegated? Where's the common sense in that?

I find it sickening too to see the personal attacks on Bill Kenwright when he doesn't even own the majority of the club. Anybody who wants to engage in that strategy ought to attack Paul Gregg, de facto majority owner who wants to stay out of the limelight. That's what we did when unlamented Johnson was the owner. What's more it worked because he didn't have sufficient commitment to the club. I doubt if it would bother Gregg one iota though. He's much tougher and well capable of dishing it out if required. But perhaps that's why so many braindead arseholes attack Kenwright instead. He has after all made himself available and allowed his enthusiasm to gush over into excessive optimism too many times. He is too Royal Blue for words, no bad thing for a fan, which he is, but not always a good thing when you have to manage a situation.

On balance though I would much rather have the likes of Bill Kenwright on board than some cold, fish-eyed Suit with the feelings and actions of a snake and a rank in some unaccountable corporate organisation or other. You pays your money and takes your choice. Hand the game over to the latter and you can expect precisely the kind of mess as at Railtrack and all the other privatised scams. Which, amongst other things, invariably means higher entrance charges because one-dimensional Suits cannot think any other way. So, Gregg and Kenwright are far from ideal but we aren't going to get anyone better in our current circumstances. This will probably change when and if we acquire Kings Dock. The reasons are fairly obvious even to the dopes in the Melledrew Tendency who (for whatever their own reasons) dread us making any forward movements at all under the present ownership, and so would prefer us to fail at everything.

Me, I have no axe to grind except the condition of Everton Football Club, whoever owns it. It isn't someone like Bill Kenwright who might drive me away from the game. It is the prospect of "Rollerball" corporate ownership, which I thoroughly despise, or the likes of the Melledrew Tendency forming the bulk of fans. Such an eventuality would see me bid farewell to the game without so much as a backward glance. In that case, ownership and fans would thoroughly deserve each other. And the game would be worthless as a healthy escapist spectacle. See the movie for the logical conclusion.

The fact is we are in the kind of cycle which will probably require a dramatic moment to break it. Every club goes through this sooner or later. Smiffy's honourable resignation might just be the kick in the arse the owners plainly need if they are to act constructively. And, not incidentally, avoid the same kind of relentless campaign which got shut of Johnson, which is just about the last thing we need right now. They should be in no doubt that such an organised campaign looms.

Equally, the more hysterical and uninformed fans should realise that Smiffy's or the owners' departure will be no magic wand for the simple reason is THERE IS NO MAGIC WAND. Not for us, not for anybody. Getting things right takes time, talent and an awful lot of luck. We may be running out of the latter, and there is a distinct dearth of the former. This applies to everybody, Smiffy included. In fact, I wish he had resigned some weeks ago, before the present bad run started. He would have spared himself and us the current nonsense. But that's the way it is. No point whimpering on about might-have-beens. We would need to be in a truly catastrophic playing state before I support the sacking of Smiffy. We are not quite at that stage. Yet. That said, I hope he and the players take this as a wake up call and act accordingly.

Meantime, the ranting righty rag Daily Mail did a midweek number on Bill Kenwright by claiming he would let crowd reaction at Stoke settle Smiffy's future. It was all lying bollocks of course, thus showing why the Mail is roundly loathed. Needless to say the Tendency made a complete arse-head of themselves by believing it. Which is about right for a collection of Junior Suits, exactly the type of lower middle class potherbs who buy the gobshite rag in the first place. Pausing only to guffaw at their idiocy, one applauds Kenwright's refusal to deny a negative and thereby provide free publicity via a manufactured "controversy" (read: made up lies). Nice one, BK, nice one………for a change.

[REALITY CHECK: As all this developed, the UN confirmed an earlier allegation that the Americans had indeed bombed an Afghan village and killed innocent villagers, just as they did with an earlier convoy, to say nothing of the creation of tens of thousands of additional refugees in the extremes of Winter. The Americans still said the Taliban were to blame………thus reminding you of the ineffable Reg in "Life of Brian" when he said the Romans bore full responsibility for dismemberment of a hostage about to be taken by Reg's merry band of resistance heroes. You'll find a perspective outside the Ministry of Truth, here:

http://www.johnpilger.com/

Just as you were eyeing the ceiling in disgust at latest developments, which included the tragic death of an American soldier, the resident clerk of 10 Downing Street scuttled off for the Indian sub-continent muttering, "If this war breaks out it will have wide international repercussions." Thus showing how much itinerant messenger boys suffer badly from amnesia. Just a few weeks previously he was in Arabia summoning support for, er, a war, er, right next to the current protagonists, one of whom says it will go to war to, er, prevent terrorism. It helps to give you some sort of additional life perspective when you juxtapose this tragic and awful muck next to mere footy shenanigans.]

Friday, as I forecast, the club announced a refinance deal with a small amount to go to Smiffy for players. More egg spread all over the faces of the thick twerps in the Tendency. You'd feel sorry for them if it wasn't for their sheer stupidity. As I said previously, this is no long term answer AND ISN'T MEANT TO BE. I keep emphasising these things to remind some people to engage their brains before thinking. Not unexpectedly the announcement also said Smiffy is staying so's he can spend what little there will be. So that's that. Let's get on with it and stop whimpering. As also forecast, the money is borrowed against future earnings, just like everybody else. In other words, your footy future has just been mortgaged. You have learned to love Big Brother, and I don't mean the TV programme.

Saturday arrived cold and overcast with fringes of fog on the Mersey. So, to Rice Lane to collect The Glebe Four: Ozzy, Chris, Dicky Mint and Eddy. Suitably provisioned, we set off for The Bus, which turned out to be the same double-decker which took us to Leeds. The Four occupied the lower deck in a manner I figured similar to an early nineteenth century man 'o' war. You couldn't be sure if they were planning a mutiny or making bootleg liquor. Whatever, everybody was grinning and in no mood for defeatist talk. Me, I thought a draw. An adjacent Mogsy thought a draw or a win. A mad, disembodied voice said we would win 4-0. The FA Cup is the greatest knock-out cup competition of all because it regenerates enthusiasm at exactly the right moment in the season. It restores ninety minutes of pure existentialism to the game. Who was it said, "Death concentrates the mind wonderfully"? You know it is death or glory and no way back. If that doesn't get the blood coursing through your veins then nothing will.

As we got nearer to the stadium the weather began to close in. Low grey clouds and cloying drizzle enveloped the motorway and the connecting road to the Britannia Stadium. Now we are on a coach we cannot stop anywhere and have to go straight to the stadium, a police controlled practice which will provide a further short article later in the week, as will the whole method of policing.

Sadly, Stoke's new stadium is out in the soulless, characterless, quiet desperation of the suburbs. Somebody with near-exquisite lack of taste has provided red coloured crash barriers and hard landscaping on the approach roads, presumably as a gesture to Stoke's colours. You wanted to weep at the latest demonstration of English cultural crassness. There isn't a trace of whimsy in any of it. The built surroundings are the usual awful collection of grey corrugated tin light industrial and retail sheds. The stadium matches it. The only thing which saves the general appearance of the development is the undulating landscape. Which unfortunately means the basically ugly stadium has been stuck, apparently willy-nilly, on top of a hill. Still, it is doubtless as much as Stoke can afford in the horror of the new economic order.

I have no idea how the design brief for the stadium evolved but I can tell you the design solution is pitiful. A continuous stand is located behind one goal and along the length of one touchline. A separate stand runs parallel with the other touchline, and another separate stand (which was jammed with Evertonians) is behind the second goal. This means there are three quite wide open corners for the wind to accelerate through. Which it does, bearing the rain and anything else it can collect on the way. In this case, banks of fog rolled across the hills and then billowed through the same tunnel. Being the FA Cup, this simply added to the general feel of the place as excited anticipation built up. The ground is lousy but it didn't detract from the fans' instinctive enthusiasm for the greatest knock-out competition of all. Somehow, you expect it at times like this, though a late January day with Gillingham as visitors might provide a different experience altogether……………

Stoke have capitulated to the banks like everybody else. The result is: The Genesis Communications Boothen End, The Sentinel Stand, The Big Stand and the John Smith's Stand. It is enough to make the statue of the great Stanley Matthews burst into tears. Eventually, it might even prod the Generation Xers into wondering how the game survived for a hundred years without the current type of economic muck. But I wouldn't make book on it.

We went straight into the under-stands space for a drinky-poo or two. These places are all the same colour, grey, and are all awful and freezing cold at this time of the year. Separate booths sold outrageously priced plastic bottles of Foster's (£2.30 a bottle) and "food." One booth carried the sign: "Eat Football. Sleep football. Drink Coca-Cola." Big Brother again. Coca-Cola can fuck off so far as I'm concerned. I don't want those bastards anywhere near what's left of our game. So, like everybody else, I forked out grudgingly for the lousy beer and quaffed liberally as the crowd began to increase in an appallingly confined and dangerous place. Then the singing started and didn't let up as it reverberated off the hard concrete and steel surfaces and filtered through the overhead cable trays and ducts. Human enthusiasm is wonderfully contagious and well worth it when properly felt. Everyone radiated the kind of united, humour-filled wackiness you never want to end. And speaking of humour-filled wackiness, Geoff and Paul/Steve Gerrard showed up after a separate journey and promptly increased the singing and volume levels. They always do, gawd bless 'em. One of their companions puffed a spliff expertly. You could tell he was used to it by the yellow patches under his eyes, always a clear sign of spliff indulgence, yeuk. It takes all sorts to destroy their own bodies.

Inside, we were almost on the back row with a tremendous view of the match.

Teams, for us: Blomqvist, Gazza, Joe Max, The Big Yin in, Nic out. For them: A collection of Scandinavians I have never heard of, plus a peculiarly sour Icelander as manager. Mogsy told me one of their strikers was named Amoebacarambaborealis but I figured that he was trying to take the piss.

First half, we attacked the goal furthest from our end. It was a reasonably sharp game with not much quarter given by either side and not a large amount of flowing footy. They had slightly more of the real estate without showing anything exceptional, apart from one or two breaks down our right which had our nerves on edge before the final ball sailed over everyone's heads. What combination footy there was mostly came from us. Stoke had a lot of enthusiasm and willingness to battle out the midfield but not much more.

Our problem was the old one: Poor distribution from midfield. There was no penetration at all and The Yin even had a case to argue for poor service. Like most cup-ties, the ball pinged around a lot and went nowhere in particular. It was edgy stuff.

Late in the first half The Yin managed to carve an opportunity on the edge of the box, left side of the D. It came into him at head height and he contrived to let it drop on his left foot with a tiny amount of time to spare. From whence he despatched a ground shot which hit the outside of their keeper's right post and out. It was the nearest we got in the half.

Blomqvist interested me because he has good close control and looks like he might do something at any minute. Sadly, he hasn't got the acceleration anymore, possibly due to injury or lack of match fitness. Maybe it will re-appear as he gets more games in. Until he does, in this fan's eyes he will look like another below form Nic.

Half time I wondered down to the loo and bumped into Ozzy who plied me with another Foster's and thereby got me full of the necessary for the rest of the game.

Second half, we had more of the territory and it looked like it was just a matter of time. But you were always on edge because this is the FA Cup and anything can happen at any time……………and probably will. For all that, we began to put together neat little triangular movements, particularly on our left where Gary seemed back to his best. Of course you have to take into consideration that we were playing a third division side. Yes, yes, I know………………but please don't bother my ass with all that Scab League and Building Society League shite. We play in the first division and Stoke play in the third division. Story, end of. Fuck the sponsors and the Suits.

Then we got a free kick and the Geoff-Paul song began (first heard throughout half time and beyond at Bolton), "Alan Stubbs, Alan Stubbs………Alan Alan Stubbs………He gets the Ball and he scores a goal………Aaalan Alan Stubbs." Repeat until your head rings. The kick was just outside the box, left of the D. Gemmo placed it and the wall lined up. A man sprang out of his seat and yelled, "There's gap! There's a fuckn GAP! Hit it low right! Hit it low fuckn right!" Amazed, I realised it was me. Gemmo touched it slight right, Unsy stopped it and Stubbsy came steaming in and battered a ground shot in………Low Fuckn Right. The seats erupted and the Geoff-Paul song began all over again.

After that, Stoke collapsed in midfield and we could have had a few more as we kept coming forward. That said, their man pulled one good chance wide and Simo had to be wide awake to catch some dangerous crosses.

For us, Joe Max spent far too much time in midfield even though he gave it a valiant go, as he does most of the time. He got away with it this time because of the calibre, or lack of it, of the opposition. Everybody else in midfield did what was required and not much more.

The Yin is still feeling his way back and looks as turgid as ever when injured. You despair he will ever be fully fit ever again.

Simo did well again and looks much more confident taking crosses than anyone we've had since Big Nev retired. If he can get to the end of the season without any catastrophe then I figure he will be a real asset next season. I can't see Paul getting his place back.

Stoke will get promoted but might well go straight back down again if they don't reinforce their front men and maybe midfield too. They are quite sharp and enthusiastic and that may not be enough to survive the better standard of the second division.

Final whistle, palpable relief and embraces all round and back on The Bus. The Glebe Four led the singing with some interesting variations on old standards. Gosh, the time flew past so quickly the Four were in grave danger of sobering up before we reached the pub at the drop-off. Just made it, in fact, and they promptly geared up for the rest of the evening when I dropped them at the final destination. By this time, Ozzy looked like rainwater puddle and sounded like bag of licorice allsorts, naughty boy, haha.

Another day, another Cup round. Roll on the next match, trauma or no trauma.

Everton from : Simonsen, Hibbert, Weir, Stubbs, Xavier, Alexandersson, Gascoigne, Gemmill, Blomqvist, Ferguson, Gerrard, Moore, Tal, Unsworth, Chadwick, Naysmith, Cleland, Clarke, MaLeod.

Stevie Watson (knock? What the fuck is a knock. I thought you said "I'll be OK it's only a knock" ) joins Sandro Pistone (knee ligaments), Mark Pembridge (calf), Super Kevin Campbell (goosed back), Tomasz Radzinski (stromach), Danny Cadamarteri (hamstring) and Thomas Gravesen (ankle), who are all out.

It looks like Tony Hibbert will get the right wing back role. I just hope Chadwick gets a go upfront. (04/01/02)

Walter says: "I have stressed to people that it is not just form because performances in some of these games have been good but we have not managed to cement that good form with wins. I don’t think pressure is the right word to use – you have an awareness of the situation where you have lost five of the last six league games and that is not a good run of form in anybody’s book. Therefore for ourselves we just need to keep our confidence and hope that the cup tie can bringus a little bit of a change in fortune."

Anyone got a pin! The Rad, Stevie Watson, Homesick Tommy, Big Dunc, Gazza, Alex, & Jesper are all in different stages of fitness, both physically, & mentally. We haven't got a clue who will be playing. We may have some news tomorrow. What a mess! (02/01/02)