Everton 1 v 0 Sunderland                                        Sat 12th Jan 2002

Report from last season's game                                                                    Att: 30,736

Everton: Simonsen, Hibbert, Naysmith, Weir, Unsworth, Stubbs, Alexandersson, Blomqvist, Gascoigne, Gemmill, Campbell.

Bench: Gerrard, Tal, Moore, Cleland, Chadwick.

Subs : Chadwick for Blomqvist (83m), Cleland for Alexandersson (85m).

l love matches on a Saturday at 3 o'clock at Goodison. It took me longer to get home from this match than it did when we went to the Stadium of Light. How do I explain that to the missus. They don't understand.

Anyway it was a surprise to see Super in the team, but no places for Papa and Big Dunc due to some mysteries. Why don't we know before Saturday, maybe they think if we do know it might affect the gate.Thats a joke.

The Toffeemen were up for it from the word go. They should have gone ahead as quick the fifth minute. Tony Hibbert produced a tremendous cross for Jesper to head back across goal for the skipper to hit just wide. Super Kev should have scored.

The midfield were taking turns to play alongside Super and it seemed to be working. With Gazza having one of his good days.

Super should have scored again on 23minutes when Alex broke clear in the box was just about to shoot but got blocked, the ball dropped to Kev on the six yard box but he took too long picking his spot and some Black Cat tackled him.

We were piling on the pressure, we had to score. We did after 28 minutes. Saint Nic broke down the right again, he hit over a beaut of a cross for Jesper to head home at the back post. We went nuts. We deserved it.

Just before the half Scot had a great shot from outside the box, after being set up by Alex, but went straight at the keeper.

Half -TIME 1-0

We were still on top in the early stages of the 2nd half. We needed a second and Gazza nearly gave it to us. He produced a great volley from outside the box, the ball flashed just wide with Sorenisen rooted to the spot.

The game changed on the hour when Qiunn was introduced for the ex-shite player who was shite.

The Cats went for the throat with the lanky fella causing mayhem. He must have fouled six or seven times. why wasn't he booked? Davy and Stubbsey stood firm and both produced a great last half hour.

The star of the show was Gazza. He was everywhere. Just where does he get his energy from. An inspiration from start to finish. He is Blue Kippers Star Man.

Quotes

Walter Says: “We created the best opportunities in the game in that first half, so from that point of view I think we deserved to win. But we had to fight our way through a very tough second half…and credit to our lads they held out without giving too many clear cut opportunities at goal."

Merry mackems. Not.
by
Mickey Blue Eyes.

Tuesday, the Danish national coach told The Gravedigger to sort out his problems by 31st January or he won't be picked for the World Cup, thus causing panic at his agent's office. Bet that lowered his "value" in the transfer market. Of course Evertonians are quite right to ask why he was so prepared to sign a long term deal in April and then renege in December. Maybe it took eight months for it to gestate in between sparring sessions with the nearest lampost. Hardly the behaviour of a reliable player is it. Then again, I have always believed a good player does it without any fist-waving. Ship him off to Hamburg, fast, Smiffy, for twice what we paid for him. He and his barrow-boy agent won't be missed.

Wednesday, useless hack Victor Melledrew "wrote" in the universally disliked and unwanted local Daily Post:

"BLUES SHOW PANTO SEASON IS STILL HERE.

NOT since the dire days of Peter Johnson have Everton been guilty of committing such a massive public relations blunder. And all because no-one had the guts to face an angry manager.

Instead, the club now known as Fawlty Towers………………………………"

I'd go on, but you get the picture. He was off on an ankle height diatribe cheaper than anything Gerald Ratner tried to sell. It's easy to kick someone while they're on the floor. Which is one reason an increasing number of Evertonians won't buy the rag. Another reason is that some of us recall the same Melledrew "writing" the following effluent the day after Smiffy arrived as manager under Johnson:

"MAGIC JOHNSON COMES OUT IN THE OPEN..

The shaft of sunlight that broke through the Goodison clouds to bathe Peter Johnson in a golden glow was probably no more than happenstance.

But as it matched the glow of the Everton chairman's smile, maybe we should be more willing to read a little more into it………the comparison with twelve months ago could not have been more pronounced………he was back on form again, the eyes shining, the shoulders straight, the voice warm, and the ability to laugh at himself back in place………swapping jokes, sharing stories………

Why do I think this is good news for Everton and their fans? Well, because I sense that, at long last, Peter Johnson is beginning to understand what kind of message the fans want to hear………"

I could quote more of his muck because it gets much, much worse, but, again, I'm sure you get the picture. So let's be charitable and leave the pig to chew at its own legs. Sour hacks like Victor are ten a cent in the grubby leech-like tabloid world he "works" in. So are those who feel inclined to believe anything he manufactures. But you don't have to buy it. All you need do is read the website and keep your money to yourself. That way you drive their circulation figures down……………until low life like Victor Melledrew are dispensed with.

In which case the only opening he might qualify for is slopping out toilets at the News of the World. Which means he'd be doing his first genuine day's work after a lifetime of riding on the back of other people's lives. When our playing fortunes eventually turn around, as they will, you can bet your bottom euro hangers-on like him will be up there brown-nosing away (who will be "magic" then?), "writing" untalented trash. When you lift up a rock, don't be surprised when you find a slime-trailing Melledrew insect clinging to the underside.

By Wednesday too the accompanying Melledrew Tendency had its gums into the refinance deal, whining away about, wait for it, Increased Debt! It's like being attacked by a savage moth on heat. What makes it all so whimsical is the sheer lack of common sense consistency amongst these dickheads.

On Thursday the FA was up to its admin groin in more problems after crowd trouble at Chelsea. Since this followed similar scenes at Cardiff it can be seen that the Suits and Uniforms might have to miss out on a few comfortable lunches during the next week or so. When they finally get around to considering things properly they might ask themselves why, amongst many other things, fascist police methods have failed at an increasing rate. But most important of all should be an anlysis of the polarisation of opposing fans. It wasn't always like this, something our brickbrained establishment can't get through their old school skulls. The novelty of the Scab League and all-seater stadia is well and truly gone. Time to get real. If not, hell beckons.

[REALITY CHECK: Over in Ireland came the logical conclusion to mad chauvinism when so-called "loyalists" attacked a school after calling children "scum" had failed. "Republicans" responded in similar fashion. First, the violation of language, then the physical violation. Ireland, that beautiful, beautiful country, continues to suffer the consequences of seven hundred years of interference by warped Brit old school doublets and ties. The sooner we remove ourselves from the equation the better. We have a lot to answer for.

National chauvinism was evident too in the useless visit of our Chief Messenger Boy to the sub-continent. Must be a hard time in Tony's bathroom mirror each morning. One day, urging war in Afghanistan. Next day, urging no war in the adjacent countries. Maybe it explains why his eyes are beginning to swivel independently. Meantime, he and his pals continue to plot yet another part-surrender of the NHS to the scam merchants and bagmen. It isn't so much The Third Way as Both Ends Against The Middle And Don't Blame Me For Any Of It.

Both ends come together on 19th-23rd February in Delhi at Defexpo, a weapons fair supported by the Chief Messenger Boy and his messengers of even more death, the Brit arms makers from the Defence Manufacturers' Association. You won't be surprised to hear that Pakistan only supported the Afghan war after the Chief Messenger Boy promised a resumption of weapons sales thereto. His eyes have swiveled so far they may never face the front again.

Not unlike the appointed clerk in the White House, where the Enron largest-ever-bankruptcy scam is now beginning to affect the Oil Family Bush and their cohorts. Suits have looted the pension fund, latest ripoff amongst the squalor of a stinking system……………not content with robbing people of their lives, education and health, now they'll even steal your old age if you manage to survive. The circle is complete. Maybe they learned a thing or two from Governor Jeb Bush, the bruvver who handed the presidency to bruvver Georgie after a fraudulent election in Florida. After all, Jeb was up to his groin in a Savings and Loan scam after the industry was "deregulated" (read: handed over to thieves) some years ago. Mark Thatcher wasn't the only crook in the USA before he fled to no-extradition South Africa.]

Thursday night, to GP for the quiz. After getting to sixth at one point our team was largely overtaken by the anaesthetic and ended up eighth, or it might have been twenty-eighth. I can't really recall because I was too busy laughing at Kipper's outraged reaction to one obscure question: "Who the FUCK wants to know THAT!" Nor do you get many points when you scrawl a response to the moderator, saying, "Fuck off, Wilson." I reckon we were clear winners up to that badly misjudged moment of diplomacy. I even bought the markers a drink each in a pathetic attempt to avert looming disaster. Maybe I should have put them in a brown envelope and sent them via Neil/Christine Hamilton.

By Friday, we had been stuck in the dock by FA Suits over players' actions at the awful Fulham match. The whole thing is a phony fuss over a session of handbags at ten paces. Actually, a good many of us present would be delighted if Smiffy and the players were had up for pretending to play footy on that inauspicious day.

Meanwhile, Reidy is getting down the banks at Sunderland. Their season has collapsed in like manner to our own, except they were dumped out of the FA Cup at home by West Brom. Oo-er. So the Mackem Melledrews of this world are queueing up to kick him while he's down. You never heard this during the time they did reasonably well, just as you don't now hear our own branch of the Tendency on the subject of Gavin McCann now his form has dipped badly. Fans, don't you just luv them all. Like all Evertonians I hope Reidy survives and makes a come back. Somehow I can't see him resigning. He and Smiffy share the same kind of pugnacity. The game needs to flourish consistently in the northeast, not just on odd occasions at each of the clubs. It is every bit the hot-bed of legend, which is even more amazing when you consider the relative lack of success.

There were plenty of Mackems in Wetherspoons before the game, happily gabbing away as we all assembled for the usual pre-match chitchat in fluent licorice allsorts. In short order we had Phil the Sheepshagger, Phil 3, Texyla, The Editor, Ian and……………Steve from Houston bearing much good humour, no problems at all, good flowing arguments, and the heady news of a new nipper in March. What is it about Evertonians that makes us MAD? Steve was en route for Dubai and stopped off for the match. I can't say this makes him any less mad than me since I frequently did the same thing myself. I hope he manages to survive those gun-toting, war-mongering, barbecuing good ol' Dubya Texans long enough to regain contact with the real world.

I have to say Wetherspoons is a clean island in the surrounding sea of dirt, litter and filthy ale-houses which too many Brits accept as norm because they have "atmosphere." Er, no. What they have is lots of botulism, grime and low standards which make most other civilized citizens of the world shudder. This was emphasized on the short walk to GP when the streets were once again strewn with the kind of disgusting mess you associate with the poorest countries in the world. That's what happens when you lower expectations…………lower regard for everything. Treat people reasonably, adopt higher standards and usually they will reciprocate. In the Brit case though it might take some time since there are few good urban precedents and the suburban alternatives are pretty soulless places. This is one of the reasons both we and our city badly need the Kings Dock development. But this is Britain, where too many people are too ready to find reasons for not doing things, or doing them cheaply and nastily, including finding a litter bin to deposit the latest unspeakable purchase from a fast food shop. "Atmosphere"? Yeuk. More like acceptance of high dirt levels.

And so to the Green Theatre for the match. And footy grounds really are spontaneous theatre in almost classic form. Heroes and villains abound. They are made and destroyed instantly, in the space of a heartbeat. When you love footy, you love life and all it has to offer. Which means of course it exhilarates at least as much as it breaks your heart, and in between there are fluctuating moments of greatness, mediocrity and rottenness. It's all there. All you have to do is open your mind to it and exclude your worst instincts. The latter is impossible of course, hence the existence of the Melledrew Tendency. There will always be moaners but we don't have to accept their muck or state of mind or even their company.

My immediate company in me beloved Lower Street End includes the ever-optimistic Glebe Four in the seats in front, who on the day were, er, the Glebe Three. Seems Ozzy's good lady grounded him for two matches because he got home last week in the kind of post-match condition you associate with under-done mashed potato. Gosh, but that Lucozade must have been potent. Chris, Eddie and Dicky Mint looked in reasonable nick though, maybe because they know how to pace themselves like all good athletes, haha.

Teams, no Abel, but Unsy and Tony Hibbert in……………and, glory be! SuperKev! This caused me no end of delight. Kevin Phillips was in for the Mackems and so was ex-Blue McCann, and so was a notable smattering of Anglo-Saxon and Celtic names. After five straight league losses we HAD to win this one.

It was an inauspicious opening phase by two inauspicious teams. It might have been different though if SuperKev had put away two easy chances in the first quarter hour. I can only put it down to him being ring-rusty. Both were close-in tap-ins. One after a left side move to the bye line and a Blomqvist pull back, the other after a right side move which Nic should have belted home but instead gave it to Kev for the easier chance. Just shows how low confidence can affect your instant decision making.

Gradually though Nic began to play much better than recently. Maybe it was the low calibre of the opposition, maybe it was the presence of Tony Hibbert. It was impossible to tell. By the time he went off with five minutes left he was my man of the match.

Blomqvist too made perceptible steps forward in his match fitness and sometimes ran their right side ragged. As his confidence increases so does his ball control. If he can keep this up he's well on his way to establishing himself again. It will be a welcome change to have two in form wingers……………fuck all this wing-back shite, however good the overlaps.

Smiffy left Tony Hibbert on right to the end, which surprised me but seemed exactly the right thing to do. How can he advance if he doesn't make his own mistakes? Yes, it's a fine balance with younger players but you have to do it sooner or later. Not that he made many mistakes in this game even though the Mackems sensed his inexperience and played down that wing a lot in the second half. He teetered for a time and then came through it. I thought he was going to tire at about three quarter time but he got his second wind and gave a very good, solid account of himself. We won't miss Stevie at this rate though I suspect we'll have a few hairy moments while young Tony adjusts to the standard. Be mighty interesting to see him up against an in-form Ginola, Di Canio or Giggsy…………

Midfield, Gemmo and Gazza had another erratic game. To my surpise, Gazza improved in the second half and stopped giving the ball away so often. As usual between two mediocre teams the midfield battle was one of attrition. But let it be said that Unsy was the best of the midfield lot without being anything super.

Gary Naysmith continued his re-establishment process and looks more like the pre-injury player we all admired. I just hope he can avoid the injury curse. If he gets another one as bad as the muscle split it might end his career. Fingers crossed. He has it all to play for.

Davey-Stubbsy is nowhere near as effective as Davey-Abel, largely because Stubbsy doesn't have the same skill-level as the peroxide one. That said, it is a reasonably strong combination, which it HAS to be given our midfield.

Don't get the idea this was a good game though. In fact in patches it was as bad as the appalling acting on all regional TV soaps, the ones where anger is acted out as a wrinkling of your nose and the forehead area just above it and the pointing of an urgent forefinger. Vinny Jones and other assorted deadbeats use the same technique. Dunno about you, but I see that more as high comedy than anything else. Funny because it seems to be common to all bad TV, be it cockney, brummy, geordie, scouse, tyke, welsh or jock soaps. The link is of course the commonality of no talent.

The great Kevin Phillips apart (it's a long, long time since I have seen such a natural looking footy player) the Mackems had about as much threat as they had when we played at their place. Which is to say little or none at all. You can see why their fans are as anxious as ours at recent turns of fortune.

No real surprise then we scored a goal after half an hour. The surprise was that it was an absolutely magnificent one, almost on a par with the two Manc goals the other week. It happened like this: Unsy won a tremendous tackle in our half just left side of the centre circle and transferred the ball to Gemmo, who sent off a superb crossfield pass to Nic, wide right on the touchline. He killed it first time and took two or three strides before swerving over a murderous cross to left side of their goal area, the kind of ball it is near impossible to defend against. Blomqvist came steaming in and butted it home with a full back trying to get in his way and their keeper baffled by the accuracy of the cross. You had to do a double-take to check it was US who scored such a quality goal. Still, we made the much-needed breakthrough.

After that, we continued to come forward in none too convincing fashion. Sunderland were out of it until the closing ten minutes or so. I can't remember Simo being in the least bothered by anything. The Mackems had one second half chance which Phillips uncharacteristically pulled wide.

Gazza tried a typical second half show-off volley into the Street End which would have brought the house down had it gone in. His second half display earned him a goal, as well as a broad grin. You can't fault his efforts, or his obviously better physical fitness, only his delivery and a maddening insistence in dribbling when he can't really do it any more. Too many times he ignores a simple lay off, tries something outrageous and then gives the ball way. I despair of him, I really do. Which means, I hope, he'll probably score a blinder at Spurs next week.

Sunderland began to make more headway in the closing ten minutes, not uncoincidentally in line with the late introduction of Niall Quinn, and we were pinned back for long periods. Yes, you're right. It was another one of those closing spells when you wanted the final whistle and felt Isn't It Just Typical We're Going To Let One In. But we didn't.

Apart from the much-needed three points the best thing I got out of this match were the encouraging displays of Tony and Gary and the return of SuperKev. We need the two young players now that the thirty-somethings are about to pass their peak. Nick Chadwick too was brought on as sub for the last ten minutes or so. Who said Smiffy "doesn't like young players"?

Next up, relatively revived Tottenham. Bunger gone, Glenda in……………better footy being played. Methinks this is not coincidence. Which is just one of the reasons I wouldn't touch Bunger with a barge pole.