Wed. 30th Jan 2002                                                                   Attn: More Toffees than Villa!

Report from last Season

Aston Villa 0 - 0 Everton

PS it was 0-0 at half time too.

Everton : Simonsen, Hibbert,(Cleland) Naysmith, Unsworth, Stubbs, Gemmill, Campbell, Ferguson, Moore, Clarke,Cadamarteri,(Chadwick)

Subs : Gerrard, Tal (his missus gave birth first) & McLeod

Having blagged our way out of work early, checked our tickets to make sure they weren't 'unreserved' and made sure we had enough Cadbury's we set off for Villa in good spirits despite the expectation of our usual tonking. Down the M6 we were heading for some 'posh' ale'ouse Something Hall, little did we know that 2 hours later we were sweating on getting a pint and paid fuck knows how many euro's for a pint of Guinness in Jury's Hotel!

Suitably lubbed (threw a good few snifters down late on) we headed for the ground, Toffeemen all over like a rash and Villa wanting Ellis out. We were promised a sit in protest late on, fuck that, we were gonna be late home as it was! We pondered the team.

Apparently Idan & Davey had had a foursome and were both out wetting the baby's heads, but then we knew Tal wouldn't be in anyway cos Walter doesn't know why he bought him. So who would be in the back 4, or would it be 5, surely the same as Satdy, maybe not? Wally never lets ya down!Clarkey at the back, Unsy, Joe-Max & Super in midfield and Cada, yes Cada upfront! (they must have tarts in their back 4, if so they are in for a good slapping - or so we thought). Gazza? Gazza? What's happened to Satdy's hero? Not even on the bench?

It wasn't long before we remembered what it was like to be back here for a league game, why don't we pretend it's a semi-final? Under the cosh from early doors, Hadji (fresh from being released for looking like that bloke who took his shoe off on the plane ) and Merson were pulling the strings. Merson in particular was everywhere but we were up for it to, once we had got the formalities of introducing each other. Particularly Clarkey & Big Dunc (fresh from his weekend criticism) and then Unsey, Joe-Max & Stubbsy as the half progressed. Villa fans just kept on about Duggy.

There was not much goalmouth incident, Vassell went close with a header which Simo had covered and Danny also had a header which missed by the width of the wife's arse. It was bizzare watching Super playing deep but he did lay on a half chance for Dunc who volleyed over, Dunc also laid on a good chance for danny who butted it straight at their keeper.

Clarkey was booked for what looked like a fallen Angel, really he was just giving him a good kicking for wearing the most outrageous boots in the Prem!

A slick through ball from Rhino put Danny clean through but the ref blew up for a piece of paper blowing across the pitch. One of a few odd decisions in a goaless first half.

HALF TIME 0-0 (because the first half was goalless)

Pleasently pleased, we felt we could even sneak all 3 in the next 45. All they cared about was Duggy out, so we joined in! So much so that they abandoned their sit in! God how fickle. Anyway isn't there a 'dug out' in every ground? Lard was confused.

Highlights of the second half were holding your breath when the fallen Angel did it again, was Clarkey going off? No, the £9m bargin was booked for diving. Merson robbing Clel and running half the pitch before twatting the bar, he thought about chipping the realised Mr Magoo was on the bench!

Thinking, is Danny playing or has he realised there are no tarts in their back four? Chadwick was introduced for his longest spell yet and the youngster looked good and caused a few problems. A Stubbsy free-kick, Stoke here we come that was deflected even wider than the wife's arse. And the best chance which fell to Super after a brilliant knock down from Big Dunc which he put wide in his usual Premiership style, could have won it. The main talking point was wether Blue Dion had handled the ball and if we had been given a pen then who would have taken it?

It wasn't to be, a point and we were happy enough, smiles on the journey back, could we be on page one of Teletext? A good result, particularly given the side we had out, all worked like Trojans (am I allowed to say that?) and right up for the Tractor boyz on Satdy. Blue Kipper Star Man was Clarkey, well impressed and can't wait to see more, oh and I hope Tony Hibbert is not too badly injured. Come on you Blues! PS So does anyone know what's up with Gazza?

Quotes

Walter:"With all the selection problems before the game, I am very happy with the point, just a bit frustrated that we had the better opportunities to take all three.
"I think that overall we had the better chances to have won the game, but having said that I'm really pleased for the players that we got something out of the game given the number of players we had out.
"We were pushed in terms of fielding a team but I thought that everyone knuckled down to the job and gave a determined display which I was delighted with.
"We restricted Villa to very few opportunities to create any goalscoring chances and that was very pleasing.
"Young Peter Clarke was making his full debut for the team and I thought he handled it very well, and we also had to put two forward players into midfield, and yet we still managed to get over the problems, so it is a credit to the players tonight that they handled the situation very well.
"I felt we worked hard enough over the full 90 minutes to deserve a bit more from the game."

Lard: Clarkey had a stormer.

Sausage: Yeh, no wonder Walter got rid of Abel. He will look fuckin' ugly in a pink shirt

Baleful Brum befits brief bathos
by
Mickey Blue Eyes.

It gives no pleasure at all to see that some of the issues tackled weeks ago on Blue Kipper have managed to get to the forefront a good deal quicker than thought likely. First, the racism thing boiled up. Second, poor policing and fans' degenerating behaviour got to the forefront. Both of these have to be faced and defeated by everybody in the game. The examples are increasing once again. Sunday brought it to a pitch in the cup-tie between Arsenal and the pinkies which the latter lost to much chortling along the banks of the Royal Blue Mersey. But it was a hollow laugh because when pinky Carragher got sent off it was probably be the worst experience of his playing career. It was a bad, sad moment.

You have to hand it to Pinnochio. He did and said everything absolutely right in the aftermath of what must have been a defeat difficult to swallow. I was very impressed by his dignity. The culpable pinky was wrong of course, and badly wrong at that. That said, he deserved to go for something a good deal less lethal than Bergkamp's dreadful (fortunately missed or it could have ended the pinky career there and then) tackle a few minutes earlier. But what of the mad Arsenal bastards who threw coins at him? What of the mad Everton bastards who threw bottles at Thompson of Coventry last season and at Fulham this season? What of all the other mad bastards at other clubs who are beginning to gather their gutless resolve together encouraged by these ominous and mounting examples? The signs are all there. They are ignored at the peril of everything good in the game. Enough is enough.

The Cup draw on Sunday night pitted us against Crewe Alexandra in the next round. This broadened the grins of Blue Bellies everywhere who were busy taking a verbal electric cattle prod to the pinkies after their same-day exit to The Gunners. But it's a dangerous business this gloating, especially in The Cup. You can never tell. Dario Gradio scarcely ever produces a team which rolls over and there's no reason to think this one is any exception. So far, luck has been with us after years of Cup catastrophe against so-called "lesser teams." In many ways it has saved our season from premature death.

Monday, our Chief Suit, Michael Dunford, managed to grind out an apology for the ticketing chaos that was the Orient match. Pity it came through gritted teeth clogged with stiff verbosity. Grow up, Michael. You made a lousy judgement. There's no need for the waffle or the half-arsed wheedling excuses. If only you had listened in the first place there would never have been any of the terrible, needless disappointment of being locked out. Gawd knows you had enough warnings in the previous weeks.

So now here's another one: MAKE SURE THE SUITS AT ANFIELD DON'T THREATEN ANOTHER LOCK-IN AT THE DERBY MATCH. Got it? Good! Now learn to keep your voice two octaves lower during radio interviews and we and you might get somewhere in mutually beneficial communication. It isn't hard. All it requires is good will and effort. Stop acting as though you have a stick up your ass and your shit don't stink and our fans might start thinking you don't wear starched collars too. Lighten up, dude. Life's too short. Get real. Get a life. Above all, get some fucking common sense instead of turning your self into cheap cannon fodder for Victor Melledrew.

Also on Monday came news of the demise of one of ex-owner Johnson's food companies. It gave me no pleasure whatsoever. This kind of failure usually hits people hard, and employees hardest of all. What it does show is how foolish it is to believe somebody who can run a food company and make money can automatically run a footy club. Few now want to recall that there were some dickheads who told us that the unlamented one was a "businessman," and "a creator of wealth," and "an entrepreneur" and that he must therefore have some magic knowledge that nobody else has. Pah. We were right to want him out and then get rid of him from our club. We had a VERY narrow miss there.

Tuesday, and the peroxide one did one to the pinkies to the surprise of absolutely nobody. No loss really. Sorry to see him go but there's absolutely no point in considering players anything more than temporary employees who can kick a ball and couldn't really give a shit about anything. Welcome to modern football and its rotten attitudes, true Generation Xers. In his case, he was a reasonable player and nothing more. Even then he was limited to a few good displays alongside Davey Weir at centre back. In fact Smiffy long ago warned within the club what would happen as he got nearer the end of his contract, which was that he would start making more of an effort. Congratulations, Smiffy, you were right all along. I think our abiding memories of Abel will be limited to the immortal, mortifyingly funny KO he got off Paul in the match against The Skunks. Add that to the various "viruses" and all the rest of his off field antics and I reckon Smiffy did a smart piece of biz there. No great shakes, therefore no loss whatever happens.

(REALITY CHECK: Hey, guess what! Turns out Enron had injected their slime into the Chief Messenger Boy and co. Among other things, they gave £36,000 to "New" Labour. Paid off too. In return, "New" Labour let them keep Wessex Water, gave a CBE to the Enron European Suit, the one who recommended the bribe in the first place, Byers opened their Euro headquarters, and then Byers lifted planning blocks which obstructed some Enron proposals after the Chief Messenger Boy told him too. The Enron accountants, Andersen (the ones who knew perfectly well what the Suits were doing and okayed it), meanwhile got major Brit government contracts advising them how to sell off your assets in the scam laughingly called "privatisation." Once again, welcome to our one-party state and its "entrepreneurs." You pays your money and they walk off with it laughing.

While all this was going on, the Chief Enron Suitette appeared awash in tears on NBC from Houston, Texas (yes, it's l'il ol' gun totin' oil dealin' carpet baggin' Texican bullshit all over again) to say the Chief Suit, the one who stole $200 mill of working stiffs' dosh, was "honest, decent," and, erm, "moral." Altogether it made the Nixon Checkers Speech look like an exercise in classroom ethics. All of this is well worth remembering next time you hear somebody has decided to defend themselves and their families lives through industrial action. What's the betting the whole Enron thing ends up with a few fall guys going down and the matter eventually eking away through the system while everybody else scurries to cover their tracks a la Nick Leeson and Baring.

Also in the US, in the gangster state of Nevada, a convicted rapist and felon was told he wouldn't be allowed to try to publicly beat in the brains of another licensed thug for a joint fee of $70 mill. This was baaad news for the hoods who own and administer the place, since they gouge more out of the suckers who work and play there every time there's a sports event or conference. Boxing and Nevada, perfect companions in corruption and thuggery, perfect for the self-deceiving nincompoops who think boxing is anything other than an affront to what is left of our civilisation. In the great slot-machine of life Nevada is a shiny spitoon waiting to be filled. There's one born every minute and most of them eventually head for Nevada and the main bout. The Land of the "Free" in all its inglory.

And talking of Texican bullshit and inglory, the appointed pretzel prez made "his" state of the union address this week. In a script by someone who can string short sentences, he told lies, gloried in war and misled the American people, all to orchestrated cheers from a chamber full of corporate bought-and-paid-for apparachiks. Carefully structured polls show he has an alleged public approval rating of 83%. George Orwell, where are you when most needed?]

Shortly before the Villa match the minister of St. Lukes (Harry Ross, devoted Evertonian) confirmed he had liaised with EFC and the FA and had the Sunday kick off time for the Crewe cup-tie moved. In exchange, he had moved the time of his service to a slightly earlier time. It would be interesting to view the normal church attendance figures in the light of a possible capacity attendance for the match. See, compromise IS possible between consenting adults when they try. Don't believe the right-wing arse holes and barrow boys who tell you people are only greedy. The maxim is, create a society which encourages greed and don't be surprised when you get, erm, a greedy society. Nice one, Harry. Nice one, EFC. Nice one, FA.

For the Villa trip we were temporarily ensconsced on a minibus again. So it was knees up to your chin all over again. I am still aching as I type.

We repaired to Ruskin Hall for pre-match imbibing and it was quite acceptable for dying of thirst, aching Blue Bellies. From there we walked about ten minutes to the ground. After a right turn into Trinity Road, there it was. I haven't approached the rebuilt ground at night before. And facing the main stand was an interesting experience. It plainly cost a lot of money to build but I can't say it has much architectural merit……………too many different materials and shapes, too inconsistent. Impressive in height though and looked quite busy in all of the different rooms and spaces visible from the outside. Villa are one of the great foundations of English footy and it shows.

We had yet another amazing away crowd, maybe three thousand or so. This sort of mixed well with an upset home support who had succumbed to the midlands branch of the Melledrew Tendency and wanted Doug Ellis out and said so, nay bellowed so, quite frequently. I swear one of the banners urging it actually read, "Elis Out" but it might have been a fold in the cloth. Whenever the home fans started an Ellis Out song or chant our fans gleefully responded with, "There's Only One Dougy Ellis!" and "We Want Ellis IN!" Judging from the serried rows of sour looks we got this was as popular a move as, well, one of John Gregory's team selections, actually. Given Villa's position you have to wonder what the daft bastards are so chagrined at.

Teams, Pete Clarke, Joe Max, Danny (DANNY!) in, Davey and Gazza out. For them, Merson played and that had me concerned.

It wasn't much of a game in the first half and only marginally improved in the second. All in all, 0-0 was about right after both sides had periods of pressure with only rare strikes on goal. Merson got the nearest for them when he nicked the ball near the half way line left side and set off on a diagonal run, at the end of which he let fly with a terrific shot which hit the top of the bar and went over. It was the only time they got really close. Still, they had more direct attempts than we did.

Needless to say our team formation was a hybrid. This is best recognised by the fact that SuperKev and Joe Max were in midfield with Danny and The Yin up front. We couldn't get anything consistent on the go though there were times around the edge of the box when we looked like we were about to make a breakthrough.

It was an untidy, unsatisfying game.

Peter Clarke had a good game and looks as though his physique is much improved since my last sight of him. His pace, tackling and positional play was generally excellent considering his lack of experience and the odd nature of the team. But he let nobody down and didn't look at all nervous. Simo likewise: He really is getting better with every match. He had some awkward balls to field in this game and spilled nothing. I may be sorry I said this, but he looks like the 'keeper we have yearned for for such a long time.

Tony Hibbert was doing well again until he went off fairly early and got replaced by Alec Cleland. He didn't disrupt what small rhythm we had.

Our patched up midfield did well against their more settled formation. It was nice to see we didn't give the ball away as often as usual, maybe because Scott was up to scratch, as was Gary. The Little Yank ran his big heart out while SuperKev picked up the loose balls and short passed them to one of ours everytime. It was all very novel.

The Yin did next to nothing up front while Danny's first touch was its usual slovenly nonsense. If Danny's play was as bright has his new peroxide bouffant he might achieve something.

Our best period was the closing quarter hour after Nick Chadwick came on in place of Danny and his fresh, younger legs gave the Villa defence a couple of scares. On one occasion he turned their centre backs really well and hit an instinctive snap shot which went over.

Not much more to say on this one. It was a well earned point and might have been three with a bit of luck. Given our depleted team it was a good result.

But this injury business is completely unacceptable.

Team News

Our two Swedish wingers are still not fit for tomorrows trip to Villa. We reckon Joe-Max will replace Nic.

Walter made this comment on Jesper: “Jesper will hopefully come back into our squad at the weekend. He returned from Croatia this morning and barring any reaction will be involved in our squad.”(29/01/02)

With no injuries to report, Walter could pick the same line up as Saturday. He did say that both Watson, & Blomqvist will be back for this game, but don't hold your breath. (29/01/02)