Shrewsbury - Away

Everton: Wright, Clarke, Weir, Stubbs, Unsworth, Carsley, Gravesen, Gemmill, Naysmith, Campbell, Rooney.

Bench: Baardsen, Pembridge, Alexandersson (for Gravesen 45), Li Tie (for Gemmill 76), McLeod (for Unsworth 90).

'How far's Shrewsbury', asked Jogger, 'Not far, 'bout an hour', says Kipper. So we sat back for the short journey to Shrewsbury, papers out we read all about the potential upsets and our previous record under Walter , the banana skins were out, how the pitch was a leveller and the Rat connection adding extra spice.

We also read about The Rat & Moyesy bumping into each other on holiday a few years ago when The Rat was with Chester. Apparently Moyesy, who was staying in a two-up two-down pad was invited back to The Rat's place which was a detatched villa with own pool looking out onto the beach. The story went on that The Rat invited Moysey for golf the following day, Moyesy carried his own bag round whilst The Rat had a buggy. Lard reckoned it was a of bollocks as two can sit in a buggy.

Anyway an hour and a half into the trip and Kipper is talking some flak, the team talk has passed - need bottle in midfield, Tommy is overdue one, what about McLeod? and would Yobo, Super, Nace, Wato & Pisto play? Tempers were getting frayed as we were now eating into VDT (valuable drinking time), the natives were restless as Joggers hipflask was empty!

We ended up dumping the motor in the middle of nowhere and heading in the direction of the ground with a pace that induced the old sweatbeads and no doubt shed a few festive pounds. Toffeemen everywhere either they'd left it late too or had had more bevvy than us. Just got in on time to hear about the multiple changes, no Super, Wato, Pisto & Pembo & Li Tie on the bench, Clarke was at right back and as expected Unsey returned, Scot Gemmill got a start with Harry Hill and Nace the wide men. The pitch looked good despite the predicted mudbath.

It's a great feeling the 3rd round of the Cup and the atmosphere here was what you would expect, full house of around 8,000, home fans full of expectations and Toffeemen in real good voice as usual. They were right up for it as you would expect with nothing to lose they gave as good as they got in the early stages. The Rad had two chances to put us ahead but it was Shrewsbury who came closest but Wrighty pulled of a brilliant save from Jemson's header - bloody hell that was close.

We were supposed to get on top early and keep the locals quiet but with half an hour gone it wasn't reallt happening. They were playing like a side way above their league position (and who had let 11 goals in in two games recently) and we were strolling - waiting for Tommy to give us THAT performance he owes us, at this rate he was more likely to get the curly finger again.

At this point we were all over the place, Clarke was having a mare and they were giving clear notice that they were in this to win it and just to prove it Wrighty saved us again pushing a shot onto the post who was the fuckin' Premiership side? We couldn't string any passes together and had created fuck all. Shrewsbury got just what they deserved when Tommy was booked for a foul on the edge of the box and from the free-kick Jemson scored giving Wright no chance, if this wasn't the kick up the arse we needed then surely Moyesy would be delivering it at half-time if only we could go in just one-down! Wrighty again kept us in the game as they broke away when it could have got even worse, we were now shittin' ourselves everytime they came forward. We went in one down having witnessed being outplayed for the first 45, this is not what we had expected, the players obviously thought it would be a stroll - it clearly wasn't and we had it all to do, surely it wasn't to be here we go again!

HALF-TIME 1-0

Well, Moysey showed his intentions by subbing Tommy and introducing Saint Nic with Harry Hill moving into the middle were we about to set about them? Were we shite, they went straight for the jugular and quite how they didn't get a penalty after Weir brought a forward down I don't know, their lot went mental - what the fuck is going on?

Rogers and Jemson were running roit up front for them whilst Clarke and Unsy were having a torrid time, Shrewsbury even had a spell where they knocked it around playing keep ball whilst the crowd 'hoorayed'! We still couldn't get going, we weren't getting hold of the ball, we certainly couldn't keep it for any period and our distribution was shite. We needed a spot of inspiration from someone but who? Amazingly it came from my least favourite player who suddenly became a big favourite, Saint Nic.

The equaliser came out of nothing, Scot Gemmill in fairness was alaways looking for the through ball, it came to him from nothing and he threaded it through to Saint Nic who gave us a belated Crimbo present as he drilled it in low for a great finish. What a relief!

We didn't exactly go on to put them under much pressure after we pulled all square and before long it was backs to the wall again, Stubbsy was booked for one foul too many and Wrighty made another good save from a long shot. Then we got it together for a spell, Rooney and Carsley worked it well and Harry Hill crossed and it went straight across the face of the goal. This was more like it we were getting on top when Saint Nic had a good chance to put us ahead but he pulled it wide, he was starting to slip back down my popularity poll!

Moyesy subbed Gemmill and brought on Li Tie who should have scored with his first touch after great work by The Rad but he completly miskicked - good job 350 million Chinese didn't see that one. Then Rooney did well, great work to get to the byline crossed but the goalie saved this was looking much better but your heart was in your mouth each time they came forward. We were definitely on top now and they were starting to dish it out both The Rad and Rooney were getting plenty of stick.

It was no surprise when it was Unsey who gave away the free kick from which Shrewsbury went ahead, he had absolutely no need to dive in and give a free kick away, he did and gave away the foul. From the cross Jemson scored his second, Unsey was quickly subbed for Kevin McLeod.

Clarke who had a shocker summed it all up with a 35 yard effort which nearly hit the corner flag. Another embarrassment, shit performance, outplayed by a 3rd division outfit and dumped out the FA Cup - a fuckin disgarace.

It sums it up that Everton's Star Man was Richard Wright, just to rub salt into the wound Rooney was booked AGAIN in injury time. This brought us down to earth with a real bump, this has ended our sequence of 4 draws what next? After a severe bollocking for many of the team we need to come back with a bang and it is Spurs away! All this and we've still got that fuckin' journey back!!

Sausage
Reports from
Gay Meadow

Blue Kipper Star Man

Richard Wright

Quotes

Moyesy says: “Shrewsbury deserved the victory – there is no question about thatAll credit to them, they created chances and I hope they go on to do well. We are disappointed. We should be capable to come to Shrewsbury and win but today we were just not good enough.”

Kipper says: "We've got a good 1st eleven. When we don't have it available we struggle."

Jogger says: "Fuck it. Let's have a beer"

LIFE IN THE FLOOD PLAIN
By
Mickey Blue Eyes.

I have always been a big fan of the FA Cup, the greatest knock-out competition of them all. Which is why the Mancs should be ashamed of themselves for their big corporate shit-out a few seasons back. The Cup, THE Cup, contains everything best in the game. If you aren’t up to scratch in it, then you can get slaughtered whoever you’re playing. It is the most sobering experience in the world to get expelled by a small club. If that statement holds good then we have become members of Alcoholics Anonymous.

See, it’s the sudden death thingy. 0-0, one mistake with a minute to go and you are grey meat, history, a dead duck and prey to media frenzy. Mostly you never get a second chance to put it right. And it works the other way round. It can bring you ecstatic glory in the most ordinary surroundings. Take that tie at Watford, the one we won 2-1. It was the biggest robbery on the planet since The Brinks-Matt Caper. One down, rings run around us, and then they had a man sent off and we made substitutions with barely fifteen minutes to go. Stevie won it with a diving header in the last minute. They were choked, we were dancing. It was magic. You just couldn’t write the script. And of course WINNING the competition remains one of the greatest sports experiences in the world.

I write this because in recent years there have been disgusting attempts in the media to diminish the importance of the competition. As usual these attempts have been led by Murdoch’s information clerks at The Ministry of Untruth. Their logic is quite straightforward: the more you can make (or try to make) domestic competitions unimportant then the more likely your short term large media returns in the G14 Scab Cowboy League. And does he need those returns! Last May, his News Corporation made the biggest quarterly corporate loss in Oz history, A$ 7.75 billionsworth. So next time you read an assault on the worth of the FA Cup, bear in mind who’s likely to be behind it. Friends, never trust anything from a G14 club or any of its backers or media buy-ins. They’re shithouses all, deadly enemies of everything good in the game.

The Cup arrives at just the right moment in the season too, half way through, the turn of the year. Just as your league season settles into its likely final form along comes a chance to rescue it. It’s wonderful. Or at least it is if you don’t lose. When we lost so ignominiously to The Smoggies last season it meant – could only mean – that Walter Smith had to go. Had it been a mere league match likely he would have lasted to season’s end. But a sporting drama was turned into a ham actor’s Shakespearian tragedy. So much was expected, it only emphasised the debacle in front of thousands of travelling fans. The directors faced a fans’ insurrection if Walter wasn’t hastily sent on his way. Oh yes, it’s all there, even a sanitised version of human sacrifice.

So all week we anticipated the match versus Shrewsbury as probably our last chance for some glory this season. We were going to roll them over, no sweat.

We went to Shrewsbury.

We lost, possibly in a more pathetic fashion than the now infamous Smoggies match.

We came home.

As I got to the front door I noticed an envelope stuck in the mail box. I had missed it earlier. I opened the envelope. Inside was a card from a friend wishing recovery from a recent bout of flu. The front of the card showed two dogs squatting on a stool in front of a piano. One was Yorkie terrier and the other was a large mongrel of uncertain genes. A word balloon issued from the mongrel. It read “AH BOLLOCKS, LET’S GO AND SHAG NEXT DOOR’S CAT.”

I was still tittering as I fell asleep in bed.

The FA Cup, don’tcha just LUV it.

Team News

Moyesy has some injury problems. Joey Yobo (dead leg), Super Kev (ankle/knee), Gary Nace (arm), Pisto (Bellfield Bug) will all have fitness tests. It looks like Nace, & Pisto will be available, with Joey & Super 50/50. Good news is Unsey is available again. The other thing is does Moyesy keep faith with Tommy Grav & Li Tie or bring in Gemmill & Carsley.

Sausage's eleven to start: Wright, Watson, Weir, Stubbs, Unsworth, Carsley, Li Tie, Gravesen, Pembridge, Rooney, Radzinski.