Saturday morning, Radio Five delivered a wonderful interview with Miles, a totally blind man who engages in scuba diving and other sports activities. His brother, also totally blind, sailed a yacht solo from South Africa to Australia. Their personal achievements are little short of staggering. I thought you might like to hear this exhilarating news instead of indulging the self-pity of a hangover or the phoney suburban smugness encouraged by this time of year. There are times when I admire beyond extravagance clear-headed human spirit and personal courage. This was one of them. For Miles and his brother, extreme adversity is there to be challenged and conquered every day by a sense of wonder and an even greater sense of humour. You can’t keep a good mind down.

Which is another reason I was delighted when the old Lancashire cotton town clubs resurged and got back into the forefront of the game. Long ago when Blackburn, Bolton, Burnley, Preston and Blackpool fell from grace it seemed like it would be permanent. Now they all make healthy noises. It just goes to show how events can change for the better.

So it pissed me off when notloB got relegated a few years back and some of their côterie of dickhead fans made unhealthy noises which tried to pin their demise on a disallowed “goal” they “scored” against us at their new stadium. The result has been an added and unnecessary claque to games with said notloB. Not among the real fans, you understand, only among dickhead factions. The Melledrew Tendency always have to have something or someone to blame. The media, thick as ever, dub this “atmosphere.”

I was sorry for the club when they went down but I would have chortled happily into the face of one of their loonies had a spontaneous opportunity presented itself. And that includes their local newspaper – anyone who thinks our local rags are lousy (and they are of course) should see the notloB Evening News. It’s the difference between Ena Sharples and Hylda Baker. After all was said and done they got relegated because they played more shite than we did. The league table never lies. Story, end of. Therefore, grown up talk should ensue.

I never take these things personally myself because I have more important things to do with my life. I just don’t much like deliberate ignorance and stupidity. Hence I mention it here in the hope that this sensible feeling will prevail. But don’t hold your breath.

Before the match, to The Hermitage, a pub I haven’t visited since the Stone Age. It wasn’t too bad either. There was only one anomaly, quickly latched on to by Jogger and explained to me as, “See that area over there?” (pointing) “Well, the Guinness there is 40 pee cheaper than it is here. No wonder it’s fuckn chokka there and you could swing a dead cat here.” Actually, I could swing a dead cat anywhere since I can’t stand the cold-eyed narcissistic creatures. But I digress. Jogger’s valuable lesson in economics was quickly knocked askew when the place filled to bursting and the bar became the usual Brit pub yelling/scramble to get served. The latter action offends my sense of aesthetics and I never indulge it. Which means I didn’t buy a bevy until we were elsewhere. And another thing – why anybody should drink that engine sump stout is way beyond me. It looks and tastes like (I imagine) the innermost scrapings of a sumo wrestler’s jock strap.

At GP, another full house. Li Tie and The Duke in at the respective costs of Pembo and The Rad. Clearly Moyesy has decide to stand by all his Rooney comments after the sending-off. He was also as miffed as the rest of us by central midfield defects. Problem is, there is no ready solution. All he can do is tinker until we are able to buy a decent midfielder, or a youngster comes through.

The match never reached the depths of the Brum game but it was still a drag for all but fifteen minutes of the second half. During that spell, notloB were subjected to a fearsome battering which really should have produced a goal. Their survival was a matter of huge chunks of luck and gallant if desperate defending. If this was a fair sample of their abilities then I think it likely they will just pull clear of relegation. Anything less and they’re goners. I would rather the Brum shitkickers went down.

Li Tie was completely at sea for the first quarter hour. Fortunately, relatively, he picked up as he realised a continuance would have had his arse on the bench faster than you could say “substitute.” Then again, The Gravedigger was no great shakes apart from a couple of populist spins which took him clear of hacking opposition. The final pass of both players was………………well, it was shite, actually. Our playing default remains. Earlier in the season this was compensated by determination and the kind of late surge which we produced (unsuccessfully) in this game. Some you win, some you lose, some you draw. I imagine Moyesy gets quite annoyed at the situation. Li Tie’s confidence has taken a dent, never better shown by the deterioration in his passing, which was outstanding during his first games.

Same comments apply to the rest of the team as applied against Birmingham. The only exception is The Duke. Again, not a matter of hype, a matter of fact, the evidence of your own eyes. The boy was breathtaking.

Next to me, Peter said, “He’s got the strength of Shearer, the pace of Lineker, the centre of gravity of Maradona, the dribbling of Gaza and the first touch of a good Brazilian.” And you know what, it’s all true. It’s no exaggeration. Furthermore, his appetite for the game is gargantuan. He wants the ball all the time. He wants to take on and beat the opposition all the time. He wants to score all the time. I’ll say it again: In a lifetime of watching the game I have never ever seen a player like him anywhere in the world. I repeat too, this is no exaggeration. You have to keep saying this because it sounds hysterical if you haven’t seen him. It isn’t.

The advent of Rooney has led to some peculiar affects among the fans. This isn’t unexpected. His abilities are so startling some of them simply don’t know how to handle it. Take his ability to kill the ball to feet at any angle or speed, never better demonstrated than the famous goal against Arsenal. In the notloB match the only way they could counter this – the only way ANYONE can counter it – is to cluster players around him and hope one of them can get the ball. Even then, the boy simply couldn’t give a fuck. He’ll take the lot on and have a better than even chance of going right through them all. The fans watch this open-mouthed. Shouting encouragement is immaterial. He’ll do what he wants whether fans shout his name or not. He knows how to ignore a crowd, as the hate-spitting pinkies discovered to their cost.

Needless to say the Melledrew Tendency will look for something. I am willing to bet you’ll get the “Over-Reliance” argument to the fore shortly. It’s the oldest load of bollocks in the game. It gets levelled every time a great player comes along. And it is intellectually bankrupt claptrap. What do these thick bastards EXPECT? That the talent gets ignored? There is not and cannot be “over-reliance” on Wayne Rooney. He’s just better than anyone else, that’s all. When he fails in one of his outrageous attempts it only emphasises it even more. The Tendency, unable to come to terms with normal disappointment, have to blame something. Hence the “over-reliance” garbage. Once that wears off, you can bet the same dickheads will start blaming the boy himself. Then you will get the, “You Shouldn’t Have Tried That” or “You Greedy Bastard” arguments.

So treasure his adolescent enthusiasm while he has it. It will go soon enough. If he can maintain his love of the game then it will get him through the inevitable realisation that this is how he will be making his living. At which point he will become a truly great player. But he has to want it so badly it hurts, and so badly that he quickly learns to recognise the hangers-on and the gobshites who have tried to leech off every great athlete who ever lived. This includes the cheap, contemptible media shithouses who turned on him after he was sent off.

As the game wore on it became clear we didn’t have the tactical or strategic nous to spring notloB’s gallant defence. Peter started saying, “Just give it to Rooney will yer?” You couldn’t blame him. Meantime The Duke hit the bar and turned them inside out at every opportunity. It just wasn’t going to happen.

Toward the end we had a couple of inevitable frissons. NotloB hit the bar from a free kick. It petered out into a goal-less draw. The visitors celebrated it like a victory, as well they might after the battering they took in the second half.