Most of the bus met at the Albion in northern Chemical Riviera to wait for the mini Bus to take us to the Village Idiots down dat der London. Without a WC on our transport you’d think that we’d be sensible with the old juice. Not a chance. Cramped, but in good spirits, we made our way via several expensive service stations to the Smoke. It’s hard to get a mini Bus singing when Roy Rogers is on the phone most of the way talking about his next job. We’re supposed to be going the match. Texyla is driving and most of the usual suspects are there. Munt is trying to add to his collection of plastic lighters. I’m sure he goes down St John’s mid week to flog them for 8 for a quid. I might try and buy some of mine back. Mogsy brought a picnic of wet ham and bread. Basically you had to make your own but he was in a rush. He took our advice and ditched the strife for the day and came with us at short notice. Jimmy Jimmy and Widdie Ste (wifeless this time, he must have bought a staple remover) try to gee things up but we are worried that we may not make the match on time.

Word comes through that Village Idiot land is in darkness and that the game might be delayed. Straight away I get into Texyla about the possibility of a refund (or free travel) if the game has to be postponed. He just nodded and said yes but mainly to shut me up. I get a call from Tarby to say that the outskirts of the ground are shrouded in darkness but the ground itself is in resplendent light. Can’t get a pint before the match as none of the pubs are serving so off we trudge. Mogsy has three tickets for friends and has to meet them. They aren’t at the place where they are supposed to be so billy no mates has to make alternatives. 25 a ticket, 3 a programme and 3 a pint make us wonder how the Village Idiots can be in so much debt – good job we didn’t want any salmonella pies as none of us have brought our credit cards.

1st Half

Seats taken and with another good support we wait for the start of the game that will see Joey and Rhino serve their suspensions in time for our early Christmas Present. Trouble brewed already as Sandra is playing. After the match I was asked for Man of the Match. Instead I suggested a Man We Must Definitely Sell. Pisto looks better without that Pinky hair but still can’t play. Pembo easily had the best chance of the half but shot wide as the Village Idiot defence parted for him. Emile Zola is mercurial though and admittedly deserves an Indian Summer but why did it have to be against us. He passed a good ball through to Hassler and with Joey scared to touch him in the penalty box (that f’in Durkin is the ref remember) slid the ball past England’s Number One. Bit annoying that, as we seemed up for it for the first ¼ hour. It got worse though. Our midfield went missing – they were there but Pembo limped off with what looked like a hamstring (Nodding Donkey replaced him) and Li Tie definitely needs a diet of raw meat and lard. The exception was Rhino. He knew what this game meant – he hates the Shite as much as we do. The Ugly One again slipped one through to the Porn Star and he scored his first goal of the season. We screamed offside but Durkin, in his finest acting role since convincing the authorities he is a good ref, pointed out that at least two of our weak defence played him on. The replay proved him right but I think he was just guessing.

Tarby found his Platinum Card and blew his limit on 2 pints but it wasn’t enough to dull the pain of an awful, woeful display by the People’s Club. Admittedly some bets were still on – 3-2 to the blues paid out 33/1 apparently so all was not lost. Blind optimism is our forte but evidence suggesting we could come back was lacking. Texyla took his seat. He was late as he had to stay with the Bus to move it just before half time. He did see the match from the pub (2 quid for a coke indeed) and wished he had stayed.

2nd half

The Rad had a golden chance after Gravedigger passed through to him on the edge of the box. The Rad though pea rolled it to Bosnich’s Boot Cleaner. Ugly Zola again showed his class but Durkin got another one right (wipe your brow boys – right twice) when he chalked it off for offside. Zola must have been pissed off as he then hit the crossbar from an acute angle. The Rainman must have seen enough and replaced him with Magnus Magnussen. Thank god the Ugly one left but to be replaced by Bjork’s brother is taking the Michael – he’s no slouch either. Blues all over gave the Ugly One a good send off as we do recognise class when we see it. We had nothing to counter them and we were on the back foot for too long. Just one goal would have been fine to give us a fighting chance but that was smashed when Stanic headed in and Hassler belted a fine one past England’s Number One. A word about Quique De Lucas. Kiki Dee must have a really delicate complexion as he tumbled to the floor when an elbow brushed past him a good yard from his face. Don’t go breaking my face indeed. When Durkin got it right for the third time (bloody hell) and ignored his agonising cries, he got up full of beans and went crashing through Gravedigger – Durkin though went back to his old self and just awarded a free kick to us for Kiki Dee’s Kung Fu Kick. Good job he didn’t try it on Li Tie, he was in the original series. It got worse. The Duke waived Rhino away from a spot kick after Gallstone had handled in the box. He must have been practising with the Rad because he rolled it back to the Boot Cleaner. The resulting corner though brought a deserved goal for the Nodding Donkey after he headed in from a few yards. Cries of “we’re gonna win 5-4” never really got off the ground but most of us stayed to the bitter end. What made the evening worse though is that we mad their defence look good Melchiot Spider Head is absolute dog and Babapoppa looked a genius when they are not – roll on the weekend – we’ll have ‘em then.

After the final whistle we trudged through the darkness of Village Idiot land and suffered the arses derision. Hard buggers aren’t they when we can see them?

Back to the Bus and the mood is dark. All that way to see us get beat and no ale left. The bus is slow but at least the traffic was moving. No songs, no post match discussion – we were crap, even with 3 strikers. Moyes is the manager and he knows more about football than the whole of the 40,000 expected on Saturday but we thought that Rooney is best played as one half of a front 2. Super was nowhere and the Rad was ineffectual. The midfield was nowhere but it didn’t help that we played Pinkie style by lumping the ball over midfield from defence.

The bitterest pill though is Joey and Rhino miss the Derby. I am sure we can stuff them anyway but it would have been a good experience for Joey – he hasn’t seen much shite so far and he could have played against it. (05/12/02)

Team News

As predicted by Blue Kipper yesterday, Wayne Rooney will start the game, but it may be out wide on the right of midfield, or part of a 3 man attack. With Steve Watson struck down with a slight calf problem, & the remains of the Bellfield Flu in his lungs, we are struggling for a wide right midfield player. The alternative is to play Scott Gemmill there as Saint Nic, & Toby are still unfit, along with Dunc & Rodrigo.
Moyesy says: "Wayne and others have an opportunity because of some knocks we are carrying with us. I hope the way we are handling it is the right way. No-one would expect Wayne to play 30 or 40 games in his first season for Everton but there will be periods when he does play regularly." (04/12/02)

Team selection is interesting this time around. Will Moyesy make a few changes like he did in the last round in the Worthington Cup? We think he will. He also has a few players with knocks. Lee Carsley is doubtful with a foot injury.
Physio, Mick (Basil) Rathbone says: “Lee has got a badly bruised foot .He went for a precautionary scan on his foot, which is all clear, but he is a doubt for Wednesday night’s Worthington Cup game with Chelsea. He’s still feeling a little uncomfortable, so we’ll keep an eye on him over the next few days.”

Steve Watson looks the likely replacement, now he has jumped ahead of Saint Nic in the pecking order. Rooney, Naysmith, Weir, Pistone, & Gemmill will all be looking for a starting spot. (03/12/02)

Jogger's eleven to start: Wright, Pistone, Yobo, Stubbs, Unsworth, Watson, Li Tie, Gravesen, Naysmith, Rooney, Campbell.