Everton:
Martyn, Hibbert, Yobo, Stubbs, Pistone, Watson, Linderoth
,
Gravesen,
Kilbane, Rooney,
Ferguson .
Bench:
Simonsen,
McFadden, Campbell
88 (for Ferguson), Unsworth
22 (for Pistone), The Rad 67 (for Unsworth)
Referee:
Matt (his Missus walks all over him) Messias
- ('when they get home at night their fat psychopathic wives will
thrash them within inches of their lives...')
I've
been dying to do this report for weeks, because the stick I took after
wrting the Derby report has been relentless & 'Yes', I was pissed
when I wrote it, do I give a toss? No. We earned a worthy draw against
the redshite and rather than get a bollocking off Kipper with a late
report I decided to write it after being on one helluva bender - so
there you have it! Oh, and by the way, just like Duncan Ferguson,
NO-ONE connected with Blue Kipper condones Racism in any form whatsoever,
so if those Johnny Politically-Correctpants out there who pulled me
would like to read the context again before they get their Calvin
Klein thongs twisted they might get the point!
Anyway, on to today.
We assembled beforehand in the quaint little boozer, The Barlow Arms,
there we chewed the fat over last week's surrender and how it has
been this week.
I'll tell you how it's been for me - I' ve looked at that league table
50 times, I've got the remaining fixtures out and checked out who
we've got left, I've seen the stats printed that at this stage of
26 games it's our worst points total in any Premiership campaign,
that we are at the bottom of the current form league & that Villa
are top - and I started to get that sickly feeling and thoughts of
the dreaded 'R' word (that we thought we had removed from our vocabulary)
came floating back. Even the redshite won a game towards the end of
the week, I thought what's the world coming to, the tone of the phone-in's
was bound to change if we did not win today. We talked of the possible
outcome and agreed that really no result would surprise us today,
win, lose or draw but the talk all week had been very positive - threw
it away last week after playing well, tighten up at the back, The
Duke is getting back to his best and who the fuck are we worrying
about, this was Villa - languishing in the relegation zone just a
few week's ago and showing that if we could sting half a dozen good
results together then we could climb rapidly too. Jogger was even
talking Europe into the equation but he was on his 6th Carling Extra
Cold so please make allowances!
Moyesy had been brought down by the lurgy for most of the week so
Alan Irvine had been in charge of the lads, Moyesy appeared on a bitterly
cold & windy day, duly wrapped up and donning a blue & white
beany hat to keep him extra warm, some of us felt we were trend setters.
He'd stuck with the same team bar one from last week, Stubbsy was
to parter Joey in the middle with Unsey moving to the bench. Our main
worry was the man in the middle, Mr Matt Messias, sounding more like
a bygone artist from the Wooky Hollow than a Premiership ref and after
last week's performance - giving the redshite two penalties that never
were, then proving that his career was going downhill rapidly (I doubt
if he'll be reffing Premiership games next season) maybe a different
stage might beckon.
Now the first half was simply shite. We were shite, they were on top,
closed us down quickly and were knocking it round well but with little
threat, they had a couple of half chances but we were poor. For me
there were just a few things worthy of a first half mention.
Firstly, a tackle on Rooney inside the box at the Park End, Bullens
side, where he went down and it looked like a clear penalty from where
I was but we'll probably never know because by the time we come on
ITV on The Premiership I'm usually bladdered and have fallen asleep,
not that they ever show anything other than our goals.
That brings me onto the ref, who undoubtedly, as the saying goes,
knows the rules but not the game - he is a dickhead who is completely
out of his depth, he gave decisions which bemused both sides and booked
Unsworth, Linderoth & Rooney in the first 30 mins, he was inconsistent
throughout.
Next, free-kicks. When was the last time we scored from a free-kick
outside the box? Johnny Wilkinson must help us when we practice in
training, surely when we get a half chance like this we have got to
make the goalie work, the keeper could lean on the post and have a
fag when we take a kick because they are never hit the target - I
think Stubbsy might be having a bet on himself these days as he must
be up near 50-1 now, however it was Big Dunc's turn to fire over in
the first 45.
Lastly, Sandro Pistone! Injured again!! Last week he made his 50th
appearance in 4 years but the emotion of the occasion must have got
to him as he went off with a tight headband after just 22 mins, the
distinct lack of applause throughout the ground indicated perhaps
that enough is enough - talent is undoubted but we are looking for
reliability as well.
HALF-TIME
0-0
After
Sharpy & Big Nev had entertained us to a half-time penalty shoot-out
which Sharpy won easily (did Nev ever save a pen?) it was back to
the grindstone.
After 20 mins Moysey had seen enough, Nige had pulled off a couple
of good saves & Stuubsy, Joey, Unsy & Hibbo were keep ing
it fairly tight but it just wasn't happening in the middle - despite
Tommy's effort. Steve Watson, who has not looked fit since he came
back into the team, was replaced by The Rad and the sparks began to
fly! The Canadian flyer had not been on long when after coming back
onside Wayne put him through, he beat the trap, raced through and
scored only to be flagged offside.
Gradually, we were getting on top as the chances fell but went by,
Wayne, Killa & Big Dunc all had headers which were either saved
or went over, it was looking as though the draw was on the cards if
we could keep it tight at the back. Then came the bit of magic from
The Duke, Wayne had worked hard all game and tried all sorts of tricks
to break the shackles of Mellberg, this tome he did and from wide
on the right he pinged over a cross that seemed to clip Ronny Jonsen
and there was The Rad to head home from close range in front of a
delerious Gwladys Street. One up, we went bonkers - with a tinge of
relief thrown in to boot, quick, look at the clock, how long left?
Shit over 11 mins, we need two more! We didn't have long to wait.
Now Tommy had tried his nuts off all game, fact. OK first half it
had not come off, some wayward passing and buggering about in dangerous
areas got the crowds goat but for me at least he was trying those
things and he had to carry Toby and Watto. Second 45 we saw the real
Tommy, he was everywhere, tackling well to break down Villa, always
available and linked really well with The Rad & Hibbo to cause
them problems down the right. It was only fitting that he should score
and what a goal! He collected the ball some 25 yards out, went on
a mazy run beating thre Villa players which took him into the box
but to the right of the goal and he lashed it past Sorensen for his
first goal since 2002! He ran to the Street & Bullens Road to
show them his bulging eyes and the players mobbed him and the place
went mental!
Two up, look at the clock,how long to go? Shit over 5 mins, do you
think we need another? No chance, Villa were dead and buried, Unsey
rolled down the clock with a couple of 60 second throw-in's - every
trick in the book, but we were home and dry. The final whistle was
greeted with a roar, yes, but tinged with relief, our first win in
2004 in the Prem had arrived at last, Alan Irvine clapped his braves
off the pitch one by one (Moyesy had gone into the dressing room to
get warm) and we had already started with 'that Saturday night feeling'
- thankyou Everton, we love you because this is what you put us through
- The Barlow Arms beckoned for more ale and a bowl of Scouse. Come
on you Blues!
The Blue Kipper Star Man was a tough one, particularly after such
a poor first half (but Moyesy explained, the pitch was poor, the sun
was low and it was very wind, sounded like a Foolier excuse with one
difference - we won), Wayne tried hard throughout and some of his
touches were worth the entrance fee, Stubbsy, Joey, Unsey & Hibbo
all worked hard and thanks to a couple of Nige saves from half chances
we kept a clean sheet, The Rad made a big difference when he came
on and gives Moyesy a nice selection poser for 2 weeks time, Big Dunc
also worked tirelessly against a hefty opponent. However my Blue Kipper
Star Man goes to Tommy Grav, he could have cracked under some of the
stick he took in the first 45 when he tried throughout, but he didn't
and he came good with a great second 45 and stonking goal too. Rock
on Tommy & Get Well Moyesy, this result should be better than
any medicine!!
