Moyesy says: "You don't expect the players we have got to concede goals but they are and they take a big responsibility for what happened today. Obviously we have lost the game and we didn't do as well as we should have, but we certainly didn't deserve that. Moments in the game were decisive; Portsmouth took their chances well and I didn't think we took ours. It was a poor penalty, no doubting that - but it was a good save as well. People can miss them and you have got to be brave enough to take them. I thought Yak was going to score when he went up to take it."

See anything unusual or funny at the match today? e-mail info@bluekipper.com

* The trailer for the Dixie Dean documentary is going to be screened at half time. The documentary project is also going to be featured in the matchday programme. Later in the evening, the Tabacula team behind the project are appearing on the John Keith radio show on citytalk 105.9fm and you'll be able to listen to that interview at your
leisure on the city talk website

IF ANY EVERTON FAN WANTS TO WRITE A REPORT OF ANY OF THIS SEASON'S GAMES, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO. JUST E-MAIL IT TO info@bluekipper.com AND WE WILL PUT IT HERE.

‘Appy ‘Arry
By
Mickey Blue Eyes

There’s every reason not to like Harry Redknapp of Portsmouth. For just two, there’s Danny Williamson and Slavan Bilic. I doubt if any other club has been on the receiving end of Flash ‘Arry’s quicksilver deals as much as Everton have. By all that’s reasonable we should have put a Beirut hit team on him years ago. But the problem is virtually everybody likes him, and likes him a lot…… especially when he suddenly launches one of his post match specials, as he did at Derby a few years back. His ‘keeper had had something of a ‘mare and one of the local information clerks still asked ‘Arry why he though his team lost. Immediately he was off and running while Derby TV cameras rolled and caught every last cockney morsel. “I’ll tell yer why we fackn lost, ‘cause our fackn ‘keeper couldn’t ‘old a fackn b’loon. That’s why we fackn lost. Av gotta rite fackn ‘ump on I kin tell yer.” Angry wasn’t in it. He practically burned up the mic. Derby TV teckies had to move like lightning to save the remaining innocence of all those watching kids.

Then he was questioned at another press conference in the wake of the Sam Allardyce allegations on BBC TV. Faced with an audience of giggling hacks, only one question was pointed……at least that’s how it broadcast. Immediately ‘Arry’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “ ’Oo the fack are you wiv?” he asked. When the answer came back, “The BBC,” he almost had another hissy fit on camera but managed to rein it in before leaving the room with a face morphing from purple to black to puce. You could still hear his choice and novel expletives through the closed door.

This kind of thing plus his mercurial swapping of south coast clubs has been a source of huge entertainment in the schizophrenic world of modern footy. We shouldn’t laugh, but we do……and then we feel guilty. ‘Arry gets away in the confusion like a professional assassin, thus demonstrating we humans can forgive almost anyone anything if they make us laugh. He’s Clyde without Bonny. He’s Robin Hood in reverse. He’s Gazza without the booze. He should be down Great Homer Street shouting the odds with the best. And you wouldn’t bet on all the barrows being there at the close of business.

Mind you, he isn’t on his own at this time of the year. During the so-called “transfer window” a flight of UFOs suddenly diverts to Earth from its route to Constellation Crackpot. One UFO hovers over each premiership club. The alien crew bears a striking resemblance to a gaggle of rumourmongering old women doing charlie in the Square at Lytham St. Annes or somewhere truly awful like Didsbury or Dagenham. Spaceship FootyKnobhead has arrived right on cue. Player transfer hysteria and rumours radiate from it, a dead ringer for a VOA broadcast at the height of the Cold War. Susceptible fans immediately become the zombie cast of a remake of “Invasion of The Body Snatchers.” Only ‘Arry knows how to deal with them. Only ‘Arry can communicate with them. Well, he managed Portsmouth to an FA Cup Final win and that was an unlikely feat given the current administrative state of the game. Now there’s a UFO rumour he may end up back with the Pearly Queens of yer actual West Ham. Frankly, I’d put nothing beyond him. He is a survivor in Earth’s footy casino society.

Match day dawned with Spaceship FootyKnobhead and its hapless crew once again pranged by Earth gravity. You would think the daft bastards would have learned navigation by now but they never do. No planet or passing lump of interstellar rock is safe from their rumourmongering. Maybe it has something to do with their propellant of lager, Guinness and moronic stupidity. ‘Arry would probably greet them with a suitable “ ’Oo the fack are you wiv, squire?” At his shoulder, Tony Adams would intone, “It’s life, but not as we know it, ‘Arry.” Which is why I urge you to take the piss out of the aliens each day and every day, then get up the next morning and do it all over again. You might actually manage to communicate with one of them while having a laugh at his or her spacesuit. I wouldn’t make book on it, though, not until science solves the problem of how to hold a conversation with an inaminate object.

Here in the real world our incoming players are, bureaucrats permitting, Lars Jacobsen, Louis Saha and Segundo Castillo, the first a Dane lacking match fitness, the second an injury-prone veteran and the third unknown even though an Ecuadoran international. All of them are a long, long way from Love, Tiago and Moutinho. Beggars, as always, cannot be choosers.

Meanwhile, if his body language and interview words are anything to go by, Moyesy seems to be having an old fashioned sulk. Either that or he’s been spending too much time in the company of Steve Coppell and caught his condition. He’s even grown a lower titty lip. All of it looks ominous, like somebody on the verge of leaving for pastures new. Maybe it’s why he hasn’t signed the new contract offer. Maybe he’s been got at. Maybe he’s about to become number two at Old Trafford or number one at Celtic. Maybe he just doesn’t have anything left. Maybe he simply can’t cope. But if he leaves it would be catastrophic for the club and a trip back to square one and an emergency appointment. Virtually all he has achieved – and it is considerable – would be lost. Frankly I think he needs a good kick in the arse to stop him feeling sorry for himself. However, if he’s going to go, now is the time, at the start of the season, not midway. Doubtless his departure would please the more lunatic hate-filled aliens but you can bet the same knobheads would soon be on the back of whoever replaced him.

It was all a bad set-up for the home game against Portsmouth. Sure enough, we lost 3-0. Badly. Very badly indeed. Only the whiners could have been “happy.”

We let in yet another three awful goals through defensive mistakes in the tenth, fortieth and sixty-eighth minutes. On each occasion there was more than enough time for the central defence to get the ball away. Each of them had marked similarities to the goals conceded aginst Blackburn. As in that match, we deserved nothing at all from this one. Once again, not because Portsmouth were that much of a side but largely because we were so awful except for a twenty minutes spell at the beginning of the second half. For the rest of the time the team looked like it had on the same titty lip as Moyesy, hands in pockets, couldn’t be arsed, defeat inevitable. It’s time for the senior players to stand up the way they did at West Brom. Portsmouth full deserved it because they at least looked hungry. Not much more to say, really.

Buck up, Blues, and soon, or it’s going to be a torrid season.

What Do You Think The Score Will Be? e-mail info@bluekipper.com

* Everton to win 2-0. A brace for Yak. Cookie

* An Arteta free-kick to win it. 1-0 to Everton. Cyril

Everton's new signing Louis Saha will not play, but Segundo Castillo may if he receives international clearance in time. Lars Christian is in the squad, but is not match fit. Big Vic is back from the Olympics but has a slight injury. Tiny, Peanuts, Hibbo and Shandy are all still out injured, and Phil Neville has a dodgy ankle. The Yak will be leading the line and hopefully scoring like last season's fixture.

Everton v Pompey Last Season

Yak says: "Portsmouth are a good team but we don't want to lose at home. We need to do more. Everyone in the team was so happy to get the three points at West Brom and we're looking to get another three against Portsmouth. I hope we do."

Ernie's XI To Start: Howard, Jacobsen, Yobo, Lescott, Baines, Jagielka, Neville, Arteta, Rodwell, Osman, Yakubu.

Everton from: Howard, Jacobsen, Neville, Yobo, Lescott, Baines, Jagielka, Arteta, Castillo, Rodwell, Osman, Baxter, Yakubu, Turner, Vaughan, Anichebe, Jutkiewicz, Agard, Kissock, Wallace.

IF ANY EVERTON FAN WANTS TO WRITE A REPORT OF ANY OF THIS SEASON'S GAMES, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO. JUST E-MAIL IT TO info@bluekipper.com AND WE WILL PUT IT ON THE SITE.

Pompey are bottom of the league after loosing their opening 2 games to Chelsea and Man Utd. Peter Crouch returns to Merseyside with his sidekick Jermaine Defoe who they hope will recover from a virus. Niko Krancjar is ruled out with injury. Jerome Thomas (back) and Glen Little (thigh) are also rated doubtful. Kanu (ankle) and David Nugent (groin) are out but Hermann Hreidarsson could return after being dropped on Monday.

Portsmouth (from): James; Johnson, Campbell, Distin, Hreidarsson, Kaboul, Diop, Diarra, Davis, A Traore, Defoe, Crouch, Little, Utaka, Pamarot, Mvuemba, Sahar, Thomas, Lauren, Hughes, Cranie, Ashdown.

Crouch In Training This Week Click Here For More Crouch Photos