Made Ray Wilkins look like Hussain Bolt. Collins arrived with a drum roll and left playing the triangle. The man who came on to the pitch playing the bag pipes pre-Villa kick off burned off more calories than Collins ever did at Everton. He always gave me the impression his thoughts were elsewhere, mainly the high rollers room at his favourite Casino in Monaco.

Nice one John, you got told you were the first of many big money signings and we got told you were a top class player. ""Someone was telling fibs"" ................... Now you are spot on there.

I remember him missing a penalty for us V Villa in his first game. A legend in his own lunchbox.

Fuck me what a shite player. He may have been able to do more push ups that Brian Jacks but that number was easily exceeded by the number of passes he gave away in midfield. Took some Jock mates of mine to us vs Spurs in about '98, my mate Johnny was saying how great a player he was. After about an hour, Johnny was calling him a useless cunt, Ferdinand scored and we went on to lose 1-0. Shit signing by a shit manager.

When he came we were told he was a big name. Bullshit is a 2 way thing Mr Collins

The only thing I remember him doing for us was a great free kick at Highbury. Good player in Scotland and should have stayed there.

This quote always tickles me. What a prima donna this guy was. Thought he was a nob before he even signed for us.

That Peter Johnson has a lot to answer for, the twat.

Ah so that's why he was shite for us

Shame we signed Joan Collins John was a decent player we didn't see enough of Joan turned up most games lol

Is this the reason he was so average for us?!!!