THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF A RUN-IN PRECEDING SUMMER TWATS
By
Mickey Blue Eyes

At the time of writing we have drawn with Bolton away and are in sixth place in the league table. The team have played well – occasionally outstandingly so – for most of the season and are a credit to themselves, David Moyes and Alan Irvine. Progress is obvious on all fronts, and while it has inevitably been slow and sometimes painful it would be churlish not to acknowledge the reality. That’s where we stand now.

But football is not noted for its fairness or even common sense off the pitch, especially now it costs so much to watch and some fans want a quick return on their “investment” in the match cost. Nevertheless, it still surprises me just how many are ready to be patient if they can see for themselves the situation holds serious promise. Fortunately the majority of fans hold those views or the game simply couldn’t function. It would deteriorate to the level witnessed when some England “fans,” egged on by a sick media, launched a mindless verbal assault on Steve McLaren. The game would become nothing more than a poisoned chalice paid for by a congregation of mean-spirited claque baying at the altar rail.

How the season will finish is anybody’s guess, which is great if you love spontaneous sport, but sadly is also a gift to the knobhead in your local in search of permanent disconsolation – the kind of peculiar mentality that claims Moyesy “has taken us as far as he can” or “we’re playing awful football,” both of which are sheer nonsense. That kind of crackpot will never be satisfied, which is the whole purpose of his existence. Leave these misery-loons to it, I say, and enjoy life while you can, even when playing an away match at Wigan in the depths of Winter and in the face of driving rain and sleet and on a pitch made agricultural by neanderthal rugby players. If you can get through that and get a two goals win you can get through most anything. When you add in the number of points we have “lost” – nine would not be an exaggeration – we could easily be contesting third or fourth place. More oomph in midfield at the right time in the season and that is where we would be.

My view is, if we can hold this team together, add a couple of good centre mids and make ready for adequate replacement of veterans Alan Stubbs and Lee Carsley, then we really are on to something. Easy, huh? But it never has been that simple and never will be. Professional team sports are not mere formulae. Ask Arsenal. In the circumstances David Moyes has performed miracles. Of course, those who think football is some sort of production line or scripted performance or return on capital employed will never understand this and one shouldn’t expect them to.

Alan Stubbs is a perfect example of how things can change. Shipped out to Sunderland as his form and attitude suffered, he came back months later and has been nothing less than sterling despite reaching footy veteran status. Lee Carsley too could have been forgiven for coasting into the lower divisions. Instead, he got down to the job and delivered a lot of rock solid performances where this fan expected him to have some uncomfortable experiences as playing age took its toll on his legs. Together, the two of them have been at the core of a first rate defence and helped Joleon Lescott in particular; what might have been a difficult transition has been the smoothest imaginable even when he has been played away from his favoured position in the centre. The same goes for Tim Howard’s goalkeeping. In fact the entire defence has performed well because of it. The goals against column speaks for itself. The basic chemistry is in place with all of them, Tony Hibbert, Nuno Valente, Phil Neville and Joey Yobo (despite the sudden and inexplicable appearance of a Weekly Howler) have all performed creditably, occasional understandable bad game notwithstanding. Up to the time of writing the only outright playing disaster we suffered was the FA Cup home defeat to Blackburn.

The loan acquisition of Manny Fernandes in midfield might turn out to be the stroke that gets us into Europe. Until Fernandes’ arrival, while Mikky Arteta worked his magic from wide mid, all season we just didn’t have someone at centre mid who could keep the pressure on the opposition further up the pitch. Often this made us look defensive when it just wasn’t the case. We simply didn’t have the centre mid players, and getting them isn’t a mere case of picking them off a shelf. In Fernandes’ case he has enough outstanding close control and physical strength to cause anybody problems – who can forget the double twist and drag back that turned Arsenal’s midfield inside out? That level of class is required. Whether we can afford it is another matter, especially if we need (as I think we do) two (not one) centre midfield players. Leon Osman is a fine player but he can only deliver in short bursts for an hour at most, as a result of which I think he’s a bench player who would never let us down. Tim Cahill has been important since he established himself – team performances often revolved around him up to his injury – and would probably improve his contribution and goal scoring with stronger players in midfield. The whole team balance changes when Cahill plays. It might even improve Jimmy Mac’s game at wide left if everyone doesn’t finally run out of patience with him. Equally, midfield has made up for lack of (what’s called these days) technical skill by an increase in work rate, and that has been the main foundation for much of the season’s improved form.

Andrew Johnson has of course been an unqualified success. Victor Anichebe shows promise and strength but needs a better first touch, while the reintroduction of James Vaughan once again showed his outstanding possibilities until he got injured again. Often they have had to plough an unenviable solo furrow up front as the ball failed to come through from midfield. Very often we have had to depend on Mikky’s free kicks and crosses because everybody else either hit the first man or lacked the quickness of thought and timing to make similar telling passes. As we all know, sadly, James Beattie has failed, which is a pity for him as well as us; the sooner he moves on the better for both parties. However, will anything short of a miraculous change of attitude induce any other club to buy him?

On balance this is a very good young team who could get much better (who couldn’t?) with an infusion of a few more talented players. This season is the first one we could truly say we have watched Moyesy’s Team. Because of this, at the start of the season I said I hoped for something a good deal more than mid-table. That’s what we’ve had so far. With a bit of luck it could have been even better. True, Moyesy has made a couple of bad mistakes made all the more apparent by a background of improved form. But mostly these were corrected virtually immediately (the home loss to Tottenham was followed quickly by a home win over Arsenal – but not before the Cheesehead Jol, still stinging from being outplayed and outsmarted by our ten-men and Moyesy earlier in the season, tried to stick the knife in) and we were back on track. I hope we manage to stay the course. If we do, Moyesy will have made his current personal transition and nothing would delight me and all true Evertonians (the vast majority) more. The next step is up to him.

I have no intention of forecasting how it will all turn out. From my viewpoint qualifying for Europe is an evens bet that could quickly turn either way. Arithmetically, we could finish as low as tenth (possible) or as high as fourth (incredible). Then again, I’ve always preferred human spontaneity of spirit to maths, and enjoyment and culture to misery and ignorance. In each case you can’t buy the former but you can sell the latter cheaply at any time, as the misery-mongers often do when they need a focus. Laugh them off in the interests of humanity and footy.

Fingers and legs crossed, we qualify for Europe. Worst case, we don’t. Either way footy will continue and I will continue to watch it. I will renew my season ticket too. If we get a couple of centre mids in the Summer it could be even more interesting – and less frustrating – than this season. Whatever happens, well done David Moyes. For him, the next step is the most difficult. I hope he makes it.

Still, after the season is over we can always get some mild amusement mocking the “dress sense” of the latest strain of Summer Twat, a mutation of Richard the Third and Patrick Moore. We really ought to start draining the gene pool of this yolk. Anything to help save civilisation for the species. (15/04/07)