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Steven Pienaar will be safely tucked up in bed tonight wearing our blessed Royal Blue shirt. The little South African will finally be home after the trauma of 'Arry's Tottenham at White Hart Lane. Nobody knows what that little jaunt managed to achieve, not even Daniel Levy. Danny Boy was last seen on Tottenham Court Road asking, "Oi tosh, got a Toshiba?" as he picked his way through the latest riot.

Our expert Snout reckons we would've won the Cup had Steven been in the team for the semi at Wembley. He thinks we would've battered the analfielders silly and then done Chelsea too. Many of us Evertonians think the same thing.

Problem now is we haven't got a pot to empty in to, unless we sell somebody first. Bank manager Mr. Rip Off still hovers in Goodison Road trying to waylay Leighton Baines, Jack Rodwell, Ross Barkley and Johnny Heitinga. We hope he's wasting his time. Why doesn't he get on a plane to Turkey to get them to cough up the brewsters for Joey Yobo instead?

Meanwhile the rumours will fly thick and fast. Just don't believe anybody who tells you we're about to sign Christian Ronaldo from Real Madrid or Lionel Messi from Barcelona. Anyway, who needs them when we've got Victor Anichebe? And probably LA Galaxy's Landon Donovan on loan again in January, if he isn't on his pension by then.

There's more comedy in a transfer window than anything you can hear from say that cockney gimp Jimmy Carr. Unless it's to hear a judge sentence him to a couple of years in the 'Scrubs. Now that would be funny.