Half-Time Whistle

Everton have reached the half way point in the season, Mickey Blue Eyes gives his in depth view on the games, the players, the management, the good, the bad, & the ugly, pimples and all.

A new year rises. It is as good a time as any to review what the season has brought us thus far, and what it may bring between now and May. Hope springs eternal. So does the love which passeth all understanding: Your attachment to your footy club. Just as it is a waste of time wallowing in nostalgia, self-pity or sourness, so we should surely stop at a plateau and consider how much further we have to go and by what rout. Nostalgia ain't what it used t'be.

Charlton, away. Solid. Won.
Spurs, home. Reasonable, frustrating, should have won. Drew.
Middlesborough, home. Average, but dominated anyway. Awful opposition. Won.
Manchester United, away. Awful. Not in it at any stage. Lost.
Crystal Palace, home (League Cup). Awful. Lost.
Pinkies, home. Only match I have missed this season. Apparently awful. Lost.
Blackburn, away. Best all-round display so far this season. But punchless. Lost.
West Ham, home. Good result, reasonable display, awful opposition. Won.
Ipswich, away. Average, should have won. Drew.
Aston Villa, home. Good display in a good game. Won.
Newcastle, home. Maddening, should have won, ludicrous result. Lost.
Bolton, away. Maddening, should have won, threw away two points. Drew.
Chelsea, home. Average, should have won. Drew.
Leicester, away. Average, lousy game. Drew.
Southampton, home. So-so, lousy opposition. Won.
Fulham, away. Awful. Lost.
Derby, home. Average, awful opposition. Won.
Leeds, away. Awful, but nearly pinched a point………which would have been as unjust as The Skunks' win at GP. Lost.
Sunderland, away. Poor, but should have won or at least drawn. Lost.
Manchester United, home. Creditable battling display. Could have drawn. Class told. Lost.
Charlton, home. Disaster. Worst display of the season. Lost.

In summary, it is Won-Drew-Won-Lost-Lost-Lost-Lost-Won-Drew-Won-Lost-Drew-Drew-Drew-Won-Lost-Won-Lost-Lost-Lost-Lost. I am choosing my words carefully here: Not impressive huh?

All of which leaves us in thirteenth place, which is right. But it really is no exaggeration to say we should have had at least ten or eleven more points. We only lost these points because of poor teamwork and rank bad finishing. Had we gained them we would now be, stop for oxygen, in the top four or thereabouts. Stop and think about that for a moment.

If…… if…… if……the story of footy through the ages. However, all professional sport is strictly existential. In footy's case the league table never, ever lies. You only gain from the sport what your play earns, element of chance notwithstanding. So, no arguing please, we are a mid-table club. That's the way it is. Let's get on with it.

To finally reinforce the latter point I remind you of a story concerning Aston Villa. Years ago, to everybody's amazement, Villa had dropped into the old third division. Nobody ever really came to terms with this. Their manager Vic Crowe constantly dealt with media arseholes or some of his own fans saying things like, "But you're not really a third division club are you?" Staring skywards, Vic finally took one of the idiots by the ear, shoved a league table under his nose and said, "Now tell me slowly what this shows." Quite so. Some seasons later Villa went on to win the league championship and a couple of European Cups into the bargain. Events went full circle.

None of this implies anyone should accept our current position. But it does mean we shouldn't avoid reality. People who live in cloud-cuckoo land eventually have to come down to earth. It is up to them whether they land with a crash or on their feet. Our reality is, and has been for the last five straight seasons, that we are at best a mid-table or relegation-threatened club. The miracle is that we have not been relegated a la Villa or Manchester United. No club is immune or ever will be.

If we want to get better, and I haven't met a single Evertonian who isn't completely pissed off with our current playing standards, then it is best to consider how and why we fell so far and what we can do about it. Moaning like the Melledrew Tendency, jeering like the arseholes at the Echo and the Post, will get us precisely nowhere except into a depressives' sanatorium. Their whining is bad, but it is nowhere near as repulsive as their personal attacks on Bill Kenwright (who doesn't even own the club, that's Paul Gregg's fiefdom) or his family. Yeuk. Contempt is too kind a word. The thing about the Melledrew Tendency and their media equivalent is that they're ALWAYS short on sensible ideas but long on name-calling cack. You get them everywhere, in all walks of life. It's the difference between those who participate and those who stand on the sidelines jeering. Jeer leaders are a thousand a penny. You'll find a lot of them "write" for the Echo and Post, or the Mirror or the Sun.

All commonsensical Evertonians know we must surely set realistic standards and pursue them, all the while hoping we don't get derailed by Lady Luck, while also acknowledging that any sport can only have a tiny number of winners in any one season. That's the way it goes.

Sports spectating or supporting is not (or at least shouldn't be) a Nuremberg Rally, not a matter of life and death, not a reason for chauvinism, not a reason for mad regionalism, not a way of life, not a reason for media lies or phony hype, not a cause for racism and not a reason to go seeking a so-called führer, messiah or financial sugar-daddy, corporate or individual. It is these horrors which have come close to destroying the game. Note 1: A GAME. Note 2: A HOBBY. Make more of it than that and you lose sight of the genuine worth of The Beautiful Game.

Well, unless you have replaced your normal human intelligence and curiosity with birdbrained Melledrew Tendency chauvinism, there is no question our team has played better. Not by much, but better nonetheless. Up to now this is almost certainly due to relatively less injuries than last season. In patches the team has played well, occasionally even quite well. The improvement has been earned. However nobody in their right mind would call this a revival. We still have a long, long way to go. Realists will note too that we have about ten players at the thirty-years-of-age mark. Quite soon the current crop will have to make way for younger players. If not properly handled we could easily fall back or get relegated.

Given our situation Walter Smith's first consideration has been survival. This is true of every other manager in every other sport. In footy, the three-points-for-a-win formula, a superb and simple idea, means nobody can rest on their laurels. Usually, win three, you zoom up the table………lose three, you drop like a stone. It maintains interest for much longer. These days there is no such thing as mid-table security or mediocrity. Newcastle, no great shakes, have shown the difference between winning and losing is wafer-thin. Last season the rumblings were that Bobby Robson was on his way out. Even we got to be top of the table after three games this season. So Walter has done rather well in the survival stakes.

At which point our fans have to ask themselves, "Is that all we want?" And we all know the unequivocal answer is, "NO!" The big question against Walter remains: Can he, given time, given the money, restore our playing fortunes in English football? And here I have to equivocate. Truth is, I don't really know. Nobody does. But what is also true is that he has proved he can recognise and buy good players. Everybody in the game respects him for that.

Also, we had a short spell season before last when it looked as though Walter had the beginnings of something. Then came all those maddening injuries which have become a feature of the contemporary game. We weren't the only ones, but nobody suffered as badly as we did. The injuries have not been so bad this season and our playing form has improved marginally. Make of that what you will. The manager and the players are responsible for their performances, nobody else.

The only viable yardstick for judging Walter are his achievements in Scotland. Even that depends on your regard for standards in the Scottish league. It is only stating the obvious to say it is a big step up from Scottish to English football, just as it is for players from club to international level. Jefferies has just left Bradford because it didn't work out. Realists too will recall early difficulties faced by the great Alex Ferguson, who at one stage looked like he was on his way. Look what he has achieved since. But could Walter do the same?

Like it or not the modern game is played in a squad rotation system. Playing success thus depends upon the ability to maintain a large squad and change formations during a game, which I loathe. This in turn depends upon the ability to buy or develop players to the required level. Fact, right now we haven't got sufficient money to buy established outstanding players. Fact, despite difficult circumstances our younger players have performed well and a few have even looked as though they might become outstanding. However, the chances of a large crop coming through ALL AT THE SAME TIME depend very much on luck. In that respect, Manchester United and Leeds have been lucky. All you can do is your best, try to reduce the element of chance and hope it works out. Playing records show there isn't much wrong with our youth policy though it can always be improved. Nor is it true to say Walter doesn't give the kids a chance. On this issue the only question is whether his methods get the best out of them.

For me, tantalisingly, Walter remains a classic Stendahl "brilliant maybe." That brief run of good play left me wondering how he would do in better financial circumstances. I am beginning to think we will never find out. Few will doubt that Lady Luck has not been on his side. His time is running out and it may well be that he can't maintain his hunger for the game. And it may be that the fans get tired of waiting. You can't blame Walter or the fans. Both have been incredibly patient. But his recent interview with the sane and rational righty Telegraph (proprietor: nob 'ed ranting righty, ex-Canuck, now Brit peer, Conrad Black. Nice choice, Walter) looks like he's trying to distance himself from a situation he can't control. Pity, that, Walter. I thought you'd have the courage to simply resign and say you did your best, end of story, and go with the kind of post-match dignity you have so carefully nurtured. But maybe after all it really is the act you said it is at the AGM.

Financially there isn't much we can do at present. Again, FACT, nobody wants to buy us or put in the required amount of money. And to get this in perspective, one respected manager this season said it takes about a hundred million pounds to assemble a consistent squad with realistic hopes of success. The Mancs even paid fully a quarter of that for ONE PLAYER. So………Anyone got a magic wand? Anyone know where we can get the odd hundred million? Anyone think a new fans' shares issue will raise anywhere near enough money? Anyone believe the idiots in the Melledrew Tendency (entry qualification: If the cap fits, wear it) who bullshit everyone that all we need is a good set of accounts, "branding," better commercial organisation, and, gawd save us all, "increased revenue streams," preferably all of it administered by themselves?

Moreover, top players' contracts aren't worth the paper they are written on. Honourable exceptions apart, signatories pay scant attention to them. Which means you can expect two seasons maximum performances at most. After that, they are looking to move, to pre-contract agreement signatures and inevitably lower performance levels to avoid injury and therefore lost opportunity. Which only adds to every manager's difficulties in building a consistent team. It is a sickening and debilitating Catch-22 carousel. Assembling a good team has become a lottery of interminable wheeler-dealing of the very worst type, more a circus than a team sport.

This point was reinforced in June when Vieira of Arsenal said he wanted away because the Gunners would never become a great club. You don't know whether to laugh or cry at this kind of nonsense. Especially when a Danish hack also claimed recently The Gravedigger wants to leave us because we don't match his aspirations. If true, thanks for all the useless fist-waving Tommy but there were some of us you didn't fool. Try passing the ball better next time. Not a bad playing aspiration, that. If this deteriorates into the standard PR battle then it should be remembered it was The Gravedigger who started it. What do you expect the club to do? Stand around and get smeared by an Average Player On The Make with almost four years of his contract to run? I show you the times, I show you the participants.

But we have been there before with agent-motivated Jeffers, Ball and Collins etc., none of whom have pulled up trees elsewhere, probably never will, which puts Gravesen in "good" company. Allow these will o' the wisp arseholes to run the game and you might as well run it all from Paddy's Market on Great Homer Street, or allow a buy-out by Sid Snot and The Heswall Turd Burglars or some drunk idiot in Slater Street on Saturday night.

It doesn't take much common sense to realise where the game would be if every player didn't perform or wanted to leave because he said the set-up didn't suit him. What are the clubs supposed to do? Drive themselves deeper into debt because some fist-waving, badge-kissing fly-by-night says so? The fans might usefully ask themselves what was he actually doing every time he waved his fist? He wouldn't be building his phony case would he, instead of it being a spontaneous act of enthusiasm? Heaven forbid.

Where money is concerned, one of the keys, and one only, is the proposed move to the Kings Dock. Once achieved, the club will reform itself into a completely different organisation. This is one of the reasons behind Paul Gregg's departure from Clear Channel, formerly SFX. Actually, his departure was effective a year ago but the announcement was delayed for "commercial" purposes, an irony I really like since it works it up the Tendency and the local rags. Self evidently, Kings Dock is not a magic wand and nobody has ever claimed it is. It is not THE answer. It is one link in a chain of requirements. And Kings Dock gets inexorably nearer with each passing day. The sooner we have it the better.

All of which means we have to make do and mend with what we have for the time being. A looming re-finance deal (wait until the Tendency get their loony foaming false teeth and/or gums into that one!) might release more money for Walter. But it won't make that much immediate difference, miracles apart. So it is unlikely to satisfy the Tendency dickheads even though it will mortgage our future as easily as Leeds, Arsenal and the pinkies.

One guess at what the same thick bastards will say when we're even deeper in debt……………not, you may be assured, At Last We're A Buying Club! Nosir! It'll be: Why Are We In Increased Debt?! Again, I show you the times, I show you the dickheads. They will moan whatever action is taken. You can't hold a conversation with a brick, or a prick for that matter. As the great and good pastor Bonhoffer once said, "I stopped arguing with the nazis when they became too stupid to argue with."

Realism being the order of the day, not much more than a good FA Cup run is on the cards. Of course our recent Cup record is awful but all runs come to an end sooner or later. And chance plays a major part in knock-out competitions. A lot will depend on how soon the injury situation clears up, particularly where our strikers are concerned. It is slightly encouraging that Walter seems much more open to playing a 4-4-2 formation these days.

It may be our fortunes may change purely on the basis of better luck, the injuries may evaporate and we might qualify, just, for Europe. After all, the only front runner to truly impress me this season has been Manchester United, and even they have taken a relative fall. Which goes to show you that even large amounts of dosh guarantee nothing except (perhaps) a better chance. It may well be that the final championship chase will be between them and Arsenal but there are more clubs in with a shout this season than since the founding of the English Scab League. At one time, and only a few weeks ago, I thought the absolute best we could hope for would be seventh, sixth at a pinch, and if Smiffy and the players could manage to get us either then they really would have performed a miracle. I don't believe in miracles. But I am quite willing to be convinced otherwise where our beloved club is concerned. Drowning man. Straws. Then came our Crimbo present, four losses in a row. Oo-er.

Out on the park, the introduction of Simo has been a qualified success. Since making the team he hasn't let us down. The only outright weakness I have spotted in his game is an understandable small lack of self-confidence. At the present rate, this should disappear as he gets to know the defence in front of him. If he keeps at it, he might well be the keeper we have needed for so long. Of course this assumes the defence is there consistently, which it isn't.

Sandro was having his best season for us when medial ligament trouble took him out of the equation for six weeks. He was slowly eradicating the laconic from his game while making his point with the best ball skills at the club. Drat. Stevie Watson is the best of the other full backs although Tony Hibbert looks to me to be potentially a better all round player if given a long run. Tony disappeared off the radar screen after the Blackburn match and hasn't been seen since. Nobody appears to know why. Beloved Lard Arse has made his usual cameo appearances at the back and didn't make any major boo-boos until the Mackem game. Gary alternated between midfield and full back, as did BLA, and with roughly the same result. I think Gary is at a crossroads for whatever reason………it may be a slow recovery from that awful muscle split, or it may be a personality thing, or it may be something else altogether. All I know is, from being a superb young prospect he has gone to looking iffy.

At centre back, Davey has had another tremendous season. I haven't seen anyone better. He is easily my player of the season so far. His sportsmanship, tackling, ball control and general distribution have been absolutely first rate. Without him, we are in deep doo-doo. His overall attitude has been exemplary, a real inspiration in difficult circumstances. He can play with either Stubbsy, Abel or Unsy, though his best pairing is with Abel. Stubbsy made a reasonable start and distinguished himself with some excellent long passing, and then found himself too stretched to improve. It has been a hard learning curve for him. Abel was doing really well until he got comically pole-axed by Paul in The Skunks home game. Well, it wasn't so funny because it led to the first goal and an extended spell injured, as well as possibly the end of Paul's first class 'keeping career.

Midfield has varied from reasonable to terrible. Nic has had a poor season despite threatening so much when he gets the ball, which happens a lot. He looks capable of a good deal more. Gemmo seemingly can't get his act together at the moment. His form has been patchy or downright bad. Injuries have once again restricted his central midfield partnership with Pembo, the only midfield pairing we have worth a bucket of warm spit. Pembo has either been injured - apparently yet another calf strain against Leeds - or mostly played wide left by Walter, which just isn't his best position. Despite the odd (VERY odd) spark Gazza should leave and start rebuilding his future life. The Gravedigger has had his best season for us but still attracts trouble like a moth to a flame, and when he does it disrupts whatever minor playing rhythm we have built up. Still, there's no denying he has been central to our slight improvement. If only he could stop giving the ball away, which he won't. Wide left, Idan has given 110% on the rare occasions he has been called into action. We have scarcely had sight of Blomqvist so far so it is impossible to gauge his long term possibilities.

The Rad has been an unqualified success up front. In a better English team he would get a hatful of goals. He is best with the ball played just in front of him, facing goal and a metre between him and his opponent. There aren't many who'll catch him once he's off and running, yea, like shit off a shovel. He has even given some very experienced defenders a metre start and still caught and beat them. No defence can rest with him about. It remains to be seen how long he can stay motivated when left up front alone.

The Yin of course has been injured most of the season. As we all know, it was a mistake to re-sign him. Unsurprisingly, we aren't even getting the minimum twenty games-a-season Walter said would satisfy him. Baad signing, Walter, and it is your fault, as was the Gazza signing. Even when The Yin has played he hasn't convinced anyone except a few bruised defenders that anything was about to happen. SuperKev has done reasonably as a target man but missed some gilt edged chances, normally buried cold, before getting yet another bad injury. Rumours continue that it threatens his career. Team displays since his absence speak for themselves, especially with Stevie chucked up front in what most of us consider a desperate gamble and nothing more. Joe Max came back and promptly got two typical goals in two games before being bogged down in the snowy swamp at Sunderland like everybody else. Joe Max must stay, and play in the box and nowhere else………never mind that bloody goal line clearance at Sunderland.

Our best team formation, boring topic, appears to be 4-4-2. But only when all the players are available, and since that scarcely ever happens we have to go with the other limited options. We are obviously limited by the size and abilities of our squad. No point moaning about it and no point whimpering on about playing 4-4-2 if we haven't got the players to fit the damned formation. Players' abilities ALWAYS SHAPE THE FORMATION, not the other way round, a truism which seems to escape too many fans.

The fans continue to be tremendous in their support, never better than when a tiny racist clique began to make their hideous presence felt. Our fans' reaction was terrific and instigated the club's reaction to the horrors visited on us at Leicester and Fulham. But the small number of loonies are still there and will reappear if allowed to. We can't afford to rest. For once, the club did absolutely everything right. The denunciation was immediate, unequivocal and clear: We don't want them, they aren't welcome, stay away. Events elsewhere at other, lesser clubs showed just how well the situation was handled. Credit where it is due.

Overall, we have made a just-acceptable improvement on last season. Nobody could argue though that it has been a small advance and a fragile one at that. If we don't soon restore some reasonable striking ability we could easily slip back to the virtual rock-bottom of last season. We will still struggle against any team who can pass the ball around with reasonable confidence. The second half of the season will be yet another real test of patience and commitment.

If we go out of the FA Cup at an early date, always on the cards, I fully expect our gates to dip below thirty thousand average, thus worsening the financial position. If we do exit, I wouldn't be surprised to see Walter take the same route. The remote possibility of a magic wand recedes even further. The only response of the daft Tendency to this is to support an increase in the price of season tickets and entrances, and to get deeper in debt, which is what you would expect from a bunch of half-arsed Junior Suits.

So, there are no sudden solutions, no miracles and no free lunches. We have just about avoided treading water. That is a cause for uneasy satisfaction and not much more. Quite soon, we will have to replace the thirty-pluses, and finalise where the money and/or the promising youngsters will eventually come from. Of course that process has already begun within the club, partly with a move to the Kings Dock. Actually, it is continuous. Only the intensity varies. The future remains as uncertain for us as any other sports club in any other sport. It is intrinsically contingent, never better demonstrated than the Mancs' form this season…………… and, if you want to get into that other kind of irrational shite, the wiping off of two thirds of their stock exchange "value."

The sooner this singular truth is learned and absorbed the better for everybody connected with Everton Football Club in particular and the game in general. It is a lesson long learned by all sensible people. The problem isn't application of the lesson, which is largely a matter of technical ability, it is how you limit the damage of foolish and ill intentioned individuals who have nothing to spout but PR crap and weird hatred for everyone except themselves. Perhaps it is really their inadequate selves they hate. Nothing surprises me about those sour faced loonies.

Speaking of sour faces, we can expect no help whatsoever from the local rags, the Echo and the Post. I suggest they are left to drown in their own goggle-eyed bile. Of course they are nothing but standard vicarious media bullies, purple-nosed comics with the microphone. Both are written by largely useless, untalented time-serving hacks with one eye on employment at the Mirror, or another provincial rag where they pay more. So best to discount them and simply not buy them, including that load of umitigated garbage The Evertonian. The latter has a circulation of only 12-15,000 anyway, so loping off half of it, easy enough to achieve, could prove fatal. Might be an interesting experiment at a future date, possibly to be extended to the other rags at a suitable time. That would loosen a few media ownership bowels. Remember how the Sun's circulation was destroyed on Merseyside?

Happy New Year, Blue Bellies. This is one hell of a roller coaster we are on. C'est la vie, c'est la guerre. Shape up or ship out. Yes, all clichés. But only because they are true.(01/01/02)